Met Online

Chapter 5

I press my forehead against the cool surface of the mirror, as I try to forget about the world surrounding me and focus on my eyes only. They are a light shade of blue, and if you look closer you will be able to detect the small specks of grey hidden within them. They are the only things I truly love about myself. Although the blue color is faded and faint now it will turn into a deep blue sea of broken dreams when my eyes water. That is when they are most beautiful - that is when I'm most beautiful.

Someone once told me that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I don't believe that. I believe that beauty is a twisted version of what it once used to be. I, for one, am not beautiful. I'm plain and boring and if I was a fruit I would be the rotten apple in the fruit bowl that everyone desperately avoids.

I don't use makeup - not because I don't want to, but because I don't know how to use it and I'm simply too embarrassed to ask Taylen for help.

My hair is a constant mess that resembles a haystack more than anything else. I haven't got a haircut in over a year.

Plain is the first word that comes to mind, as I take in my reflection in the floor to ceiling mirror, in the corner of my room. But plain is soon replaced with ugly. That is when I turn my eyes from the reflective surface and head for my bed instead. I need comfort - in any shape or form that I can get it in. I settle on Netflix - it contains fewer calories than the tub of ice cream that I know my dad has stashed in the freezer downstairs.

Call me childish, but I love to watch Cinderella inspired movies. It comforts me in my depressed state to know that the protagonist is always going to end up with Prince Charming and that no matter how hopeless everything looks in the middle the movie is always going to have a happy ending. Real life isn't like that. Real life is hard and cruel and bone crushingly honest. There is almost never a Prince Charming waiting around the corner and if you are, after a lifetime of searching, lucky enough to find him it will almost always end up sadly. Did you know that fifty-three percent of all US marriages end in divorce?

As the opening credits to the movie rolls across my computer screen, I flip my phone in my hands. Mindlessly I press the home button on my phone and watches as the screen comes to life. I don't know what I was expecting; any kind of life signs from Justin, I guess. I haven't even realize how dependent I've gotten to our daily chats and his used-to-be annoying messages, until I lock the phone again and toss it across my bed as I let out a frustrated sigh. This is unlike me. I don't depend on anyone, but myself, simply because it'll only lead to disappointments and broken hearts. So why on earth have I gotten so hung up on this boy and his stupid chat messages?

It doesn't take long before I'm crawling across the bed to retrieve my phone again. There is still no unanswered messages shown on the start screen, but just to make sure that I haven't missed any I unlock my phone and click on the Kickster icon on my home screen. It takes a while for the app to load, but once it does it goes directly to my conversation with Justin. The last message in our conversation is received over three hours ago, but to make sure that the app isn't fooling me I reload the app twice. It's a complete waste of time though; there's still no new message in our conversation.

I'm frustrated beyond doubt that the silence between Justin and I has been dragged on for so long. I think I've gotten too used to his constant nagging that haunts me even in class and in my sleep. I used to think it was rather annoying that he never stopped, but now that he hasn't chatted me for a while I feel as if I've lost a part of myself. Ever since the friend request it has been Justin who has started all of our conversations, but the silence between us makes me feel so hollow that I decide to cast off all unwritten rules and take a chance by being the one to start the conversation up again, for the first time.