math? (tobias eaton/four)

chapter three** edited (pls read)

Choosing Day

The Abnegation were conducting the ceremony that year, and it was being done in reverse alphabetical order - to give those of us who are used to going last a chance. How Abnegation of them. This time, I'd be one of the first.

The morning of, my father made chocolate waffles and strawberry lemonade for breakfast, which usually were my favourite. I would typically do absolutely anything for a piece of anything chocolate, but today I could barely eat. And there was a total awareness that everyone else in the Sanchez Solace household may be aware of that, too. They have to be wondering why I'm so nervous if my test results were Candor, and if I had truly planned on choosing Candor.

That could be why my mother hugged me so tightly, and tucked something into my front pocket as we sat in our seats, before letting me go.

In an instance, a moment of panic flashed before me, and I forced myself to the bathroom before the ceremony officially began. I sat in the white bathroom stall, tears threatening to fall again. But I didn't want to be one of those people who were visibly nervous for damn near the whole city to see.

Struggling to begin breathing, I pulled the piece of paper out of the black fabric I sported.

My Sanchez 2. As a mother, I'm not supposed to admit this, but you made things so easy. I'm not meant to rely on a child for living but with you, things changed. I no longer felt like I wasn't worth the things I so wished. You helped me remember. Always remember who you are, my Moira Eliza. No matter where you go.

My mother knows. She kissed me for dear life. She knows the truth.

"Welcome to the Choosing Ceremony. Today we honor the democratic philosophy of our ancestors, which tells us that every man has the right to choose his own way in this world," I heard the leader of the leader of Abnegation begin. Guess I'll be making an entrance.

I sucked my teeth at that comment. If that were true, they wouldn't be forcing us to confine who we want to be for the rest of our lives. There's nothing human about this system. Maybe you really are this five faction girl?

"Our dependents are now eighteen. They stand on the precipice of adulthood, and it is now up to them to decide what kind of people they will be."

I closed my eyes, and stood up from the toilet. I've already decided the kind of person I will be, but things change and people change. What exactly are we meant to be learning?
The tight, cottoned white dress that stopped at the middle of my thigh brought me back to reality.

How am I supposed to interact in this? So stupid of me. Always trying to make a statement. It was admittedly stupid of me to care more about how I'd be presenting myself to new faces rather than how I may get to the Dauntless location. We had a feeling that running would be involved as per usual with the policing faction so. I wore flat shoes, as Carolina reminded me to do. But this dress could ride up. How could I be so stupid?

I needed to remind myself to stop. I've danced in worse. And I have to remember that this is all a performance. Fake it til you make it, Carolina told me. I'll be a caricature of myself once I choose Dauntless. Once my blood hits those dark coals, I will be over. This will be the end of Moira Sanchez.

"Decades ago our ancestors realised that it is not just political ideology, religious believe or nationalism that is to blame for a warring world. Rather they determined that it was the fault of human personality," I couldn't help but to roll my eyes. I've heard this every year. My parents loved watching the show of who went where and what. It was like the old reality television so long ago to them. Of course when I mentioned that, they looked at me incredulously and reminded me not to become too Erudite.