I probably didn't reply for at least 10 minutes. I was so confused had to push myself for an answer. I texted him back and said 'of corse' I knew I made the right chose. We were in love, month of dating, we had a break up once for like a month.. We dated for 6 months. Everything felt right, always.
April 20th: (midnight) texting he told me how much he loved me, everything was going great, until he asked me a question. "That month we broke up, when you were dating Caleb.. Did he kiss you? I said yes. And he said where? I told him my lips. And he accused me of lying to him cause I told him that Caleb only kissed my cheek. Which he did.. I knew something horrible was about to happen. I tried telling him that he kissed the corner of my mouth, which he did. I didn't ask him too, he kissed me. Nick told me he hated me, and he broke up with me, for good. I was so hurt.. More then ever.. I remember saying "fuck you!" And throwing my phone. It was about 2am, I ran for the knife.. I wanted to kill myself, the hurt it sent me, no one even knows. I almost stabbed myself, I had it to my chest I wanted to run into the wall with it there... I dropped it.. I picked it up, and slit my wrist in every direction. Blood everywhere my tears burning the living hell out of my cuts.
The salt. Here comes more pain. I wish I never said anything! I was dead in pain! Blood running down my arms, both of them. I remember getting nail polish remover and pouring it over my cuts.. It was one of the mosh painful things I ever experienced.. I never wanted to see daylight. I hated myself. Why couldn't I kill myself then? I don't know why... I wanted to kill myself...
The next day; I woke up on my floor, horrible headache. I couldn't remember much. My arms were bloody cause I remember cutting myself. And nick dumping me, I looked over and a liquor bottle next to me, the lid was open and it was completely empty. I intoxicated myself until I passed out. I had blood stains on my floor.. I didn't want any of it to be true.. I hated myself even more. I got in a bath of freezing water. I just couldn't handle myself at that point. I sang the entire day.
Day 7: (9 days later) I was hanging out with my best friend Kari-Lynn. We were going to go to the mall, and she was in love with her ex Caleb still, (my bestfriend) and he loved her the same.. When we were in the car we decided to go get Nick. who lived 1 minute away from me. I still loved him deeply. When Caleb's mom pulled into his driveway, Nick was cleaning out his dad's truck. Caleb scared him, Nick went inside to go get ready for the mall. When he came out, he sat by me in the car. When we got to the mall I wanted to hold his hand, so i went up and grabbed it, he looked at me with an expression like [do you mind getting off of me] He said to me "only for 5 minutes" that crushed me for some reason, I walked faster, I started to cry.. thinking that to him, the guy I love thinks im worth 5 mintues. What was I worth at all.. I cried and he walked away and didnt even care. Damn, that hurt. I didnt even know how to feel.. Kari made me feel alittle better by telling me, I can disereve better. I got to thinking about the old stuff.
**
(flashback); Going to my friends house, sitting there, thinking hard about my boyfriend Nick, we couldn't be happier. I got to thinking about what we did in the bathroom acouple months ago..shouldn't of done it, i was thinking about my period, i havent had it in 2 months. I was so scared.. I got a pregancy test.. 3 infact. When I took all of them, they all said, postive. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm 14, and I'm pregnant. How was I going to tell him?
It's been 1 1/2 weeks since i found out about me, being pregnant. I still hadn't even brought it up to him, I didnt flirt with him barely. He didnt really expect anything.. till that night, I remember the text i got from him, every word. "hey babe, I can tell you've been acting alittle different, do you need to talk to me? are you okay? are we okay? i love you baby?" I responded, "i love you to babe, & we do need to talk..on the phone, I'll call you when i get home." When I got home i told him that after we did that in the bathroom, I haven't had a period in 3 months, I told him about the 3 test.. he didnt know what to say.. he didnt talk to me the rest of the day. He told me how much I'm going to ruin his life, and we should of never done that, never dated, never talked... He hated me I could feel it. He kept feeling like I was horrible.. I had to make a dission.
