Sadness, Happiness, overwhellmed me, that hurt that the past rushed through me, what was I supposed to think. I was confused. I texted him back that I loved him too. Was it true? I'm not so sure, but it's the past right? Everything overwhellemed me, Nick, Ben, Camryn.. why can't everything just go easy for me? I'm young, and shit, I'm attractive, God accadenlty added to much attractiveness to me.. opps ;). But anyways! Beauty comes in all different sizes, mines bigger, yes I know, but that just means theres more to love. I've honeslty have a huge heart and I'm not so sure who can see that, But i know all my true friends can and when Ben sent me that text, I was confused. I didnt know how to feel
Me and Ben always held hands, hugged, cuddled for months, we had out on and offs, but everything always turned out to be okay, we kiss sometimes now. I'm going to be okay but today I was sitting there thinking, just thinking. About the past, it hurt..
**flashback**
Nick hurting me, yelling at me, killing my feelings.. Telling me I'm a horrible person, am I? Who knows, That night I called my cousin, Crying on the inside and out, I told her that i was pregnant and I couldnt take the words anymore, I asked her if she could take me to a Clinic thing, I didnt know how it went. She took me, Everything was so ackward. I remember sitting there in the room, they told me to change into the uniform that would be a hospital outfit, they took me up on the table, in about 10 mintues, everything was over. I thought what I did was right that day, But did I , that baby was a living human being.. and that day. I took it.. all..my..fault
I've been thinking to this day how horrible that disicion was, I should have never done that, my life.. messed up by that one boy, and one..or 5 nips in my belly. I killed that baby, It was mine, it was ours, it was God's no matter what anyone says.. That baby had a reason to live and i took, what is wrong with me? I have no one who understands, When i look at nick i think of what he thinks of? "oh theres that girl who i hate" or "theres that girl who i regret" or "theres that girl who i got pregnant and she killed it" NO! i'm all of those! He's ashamed, he disereves to be hurt, like how he hurt me. I hate him, he hates me, i'd love to kick his butt! He's so rude, I just want to talk to him about it.. one last time.. i do have an idea what to say..
This is what i'd ..
