Anti-Hero || Leo Valdez

7 - Net Lady Gets Decked (With a Chair)

Unfortunately, before Britomartis would give them their "reward," she insisted on a briefing from Josephine and Emmie concerning the siege preparations. Jo was happy to sing Leo's praises.

"This guy's good." Josephine punched Leo's arm affectionately. "The things he knows about Archimedes spheres...really impressive."

"Spheres?" Meg asked.

"Yeah," Leo said. "They're these round things."

"Shut up." Meg went back to inhaling carbohydrates.

"We reset all the crossbow turrets," Jo continued. "Primed the catapults. Closed all exits and put Waystation on twenty-four hour-surveillance mode. If anyone tries to get in, we'll know."

"They will try," Britomartis promised. "It's only a matter of time."

Apollo raised his hand. "And, uh, Festus?"

Emmie shook her head. "I scouted the statehouse grounds late last night, and again this morning. Nothing. The blemmyae must have taken your bronze suitcase to the palace."

Leo clicked his tongue. "I bet Lityerses has it. When I get my hands on that crust-sucking Cornhusker—"

"Which brings us to the point," Apollo said. "How does Leo — I mean, how do we find the palace?"

Britomartis slid her feet off the table. She sat forward. "The main gates to the emperor's palace are under the Soldiers' and Sailors' Monument."

Josephine grunted. "Should've known."

"Man, you were right," Pat said. "now I'm glad I didn't bet on it."

Via scoffed. "Pat, you literally thought it was under one of the pieces of Funky Bones. Any other guess would be better than that."

"I'm just saying, it's not a place anybody would think to look. That's the kind of hideout baddies go for."

"Then why would —"

"Why the Soldiers' and Sailors' gate?" Apollo interrupted their banter. "What is that?"

Josephine rolled her eyes. "A huge decorated column thing in the middle of a plaza, a few blocks north of here. Just the kind of ostentatious, over-the-top edifice you'd expect the emperor to have for his entrance."

"It's the biggest monument in the city," Emmie added.

"I suppose the palace is heavily guarded?" Apollo asked, snapping Via out of her thoughts.

Britomartis laughed. "Even by my standards, the monument is a death trap. Machine gun turrets. Lasers. Monsters. Attempting the front door without an invitation would have dire consequences."

Meg swallowed a chunk of bread, somehow managing not to choke. "The emperor would let us in."

"Well, true," Britomartis agreed. "He'd love for you and Apollo to knock on his front door and give yourselves up. But I only mention the main entrance because you should avoid it at all costs. If you want to get inside the palace without being apprehended and tortured to death, there's another possibility."

Leo bit a cheese slice into the shape of a smile. He held it up to his mouth and turned to Via. "Leo is happy when he's not being tortured to death."

Meg snorted and shot a glob of bread out of her right nostril. Via yelped in half-alarm, half-disgust. Pat laughed at both Leo and Meg. They were all terrible influences on each other.

"Then, to get inside," said the goddess, "you must use the waterworks."

"The plumbing system," Apollo guessed. "In my vision of the emperor's throne room, I saw open trenches of flowing water. You know how to access them?"