It's been exactly five months since Caleb sacrificed himself for us, and the pain hasn't gone away. It should have been me. I should have stopped them from wiping the memories, I should have gone through the death serum. I was going to. You should have seen his eyes. People say you can tell a lot about a person by their eyes. Well, Caleb's eyes told me he was terrified. He was scared. He was sorry. I should have forgiven him for what he had done. But I couldn't, and I should have.
Michael is dead thanks to him. Caleb shot him, right after he shot Caleb.
I sit on my bed, and stare at the wall. This never gets easier. Tobias walks in, sits next to me, and takes my hand. We sit in silence.
"You know, this wall is very interesting, but I think the floor is prettier," he says. Perfect Tobias, trying to lighten the mood. I force a smile.
"Are you sure you want to go Tris?" he asks me. "I mean, you don't have to put yourself through this every month. Not anymore."
I look at him. I start with his lips, the familiars curves. Then I slowly make my way up his face, and finally stop at his eyes; dark, familiar, safe.
"Yes. I want to go," I say as I stand up.
"Okay," he says as he takes my hand and we start towards the Pit's winding staircase.
.
We climb the stairs and escape into the warm sun. Christina is waiting for us by the edge of the building.
"Hey." She says as she hugs me.
"Hi," I respond as I hug her back. We are all wearing black, and not just because it's the Dauntless colors. I wear black pants and an oversized black sweater that Tobias let be borrow.
I feel the train coming before I see it. The familiar rumble shoots a little spark of adrenaline through my body. As the train comes into view, we prepare ourselves. Christina first, followed by me, and then Tobias. She runs and jumps, easily swinging herself in. I'm next. I grab on and swing myself in. I tumble through the door. Tobias comes through the opening as I stand.
He comes over and scoops me into a kiss. I close my eyes and take in the familiarity. When I open them I see Christina pretending to gag. I punch her in the arm playfully.
He goes and sits in the corner while Tobias and I sit with our feet hanging out. She always gives us some time before we get there. We watch the city go by, and I recognize the Ferris wheel where we played capture the flag. Tobias pulls me close.
"Sometimes I miss the days when you were just the initiate and I was just your attractive instructor," he says as he kisses my head.
"Me too," I sigh.
Tobias rubs my back, and we stare out into the sunset.
.
As we near the fence, Tobias and I stand and Christina comes to join us. We wait and jump out right before the train turns. We are about half a mile from the fence. As we walk, I remember the first time we were here. We were the first outside the fence in a long time.
As we near the fence, I start to feel the tears coming in my eyes. I've learned there are times to be strong, and times to let your emotions out. Most of my emotional times are with Tobias, because he's the only one I allow to be completely vulnerable with. As I feel the tears slide down my face, I keep my hands at my sides, knowing that it's okay to cry, especially now. I reach for Tobias' hand. He takes mine in return and squeezes it. It still sends chills through me. We are silent the whole way, until we reach a small stack of books and dried out flowers, no doubt the ones we brought last month. After what he did, I decided we couldn't just leave his body there, no matter what he did before. So we brought his body back here and buried it by the fence. Then I brought the books he hid in his room and marked where it was. I come every month, and I know it might be wrong, but I haven't fully forgiven him for what he did to me. As I kneel down Tobias kisses my head and walks away with Christina, so I can be alone.
I sit there and stare. I try to remember what he was like before everything changed. The memory of him stings me less frequently, but it burns like fire inside of me now. My tears drop softly on the dirt of the grave. I stare at the stack of books and I pick one up and open it for the first time. A single lines spreads across the page. "Forgiveness is not something you can demand. It is something that is given to you when you most deserve it."
The world is sending me a sign.
I shut the book and put it down. Then I do something that I should have done a long time ago.
"I forgive you Caleb. I think I did a long time ago, but I was too stubborn and hurt to admit it. But now I have, and I hope you forgive me for taking so long to say it. I love you." I kiss two fingers and place them on the books. As I stand, I finally wipe away the tears and smile, maybe it won't be so hard next time. I turn and walk away, feeling like a little piece of my broken heart has been mended.
YOU ARE READING
Convergent
Fiksi PenggemarOne choice will define One choice will destroy you One choice will haunt you And one choice can take away the person you love forever.