I'm just a teen

Chapter Twenty three

I was a nervous mess.

Pacing back and forth all over the place.

Ben was trying to calm me down. It wasn't working.

"Ben please stop!" I yelled.

"I'm trying to help you!!" He said angrily.

I stopped walking and looked at him, with a annoyed and irritated kind of look.

"Well, you don't have to be so rude. Gosh" i said.

"I don't know how to act in these kind of predicaments Allie!!" He shouted.

"Well, learn." I said coldly.

He looked upset. And pissed off.

"Allie, can you just calm the hell down? You're scaring me" he said.

"Ben i can't be pregnant! I haven't even lived yet. I haven't decided on what i want to do in life yet. I haven't even grown a solid happy relationship with you yet, let alone get pregnant!" I yelled.

"Well, these things happen to people. We can't help it." He said.

"Actually, we can." I said.

"Huh?" He asked puzzled.

"We can prevent these things. By not having sex." I said.

"Allie, common, you're just worrying." He said.

"No, Ben. I'm not. I'm serious. Hate to say it, but if you would have never raped me that night, i wouldn't be here right now. Worrying if I'm going to be one of those teenager mom's, that ends up alone with the baby, because it was to much for the father to handle. All because you got drunk and raped me Ben. I hope that beer was good Ben!!!" I yelled.

He was stunned. He had redness on his face.

He wasn't making eye contact with me.

He looked absolutely pissed that i had brought that up.

"You know how sorry i am for that. We agreed to not bring it up anymore and, you did! You're sitting here blaming me for all this. You know Allie, you didn't have to move here with me. Nobody forced you to. Also nobody forced you to have sex with me twice more after that night happened. Nobody forced you to love me. If you ever did."He snapped.

I had a pit in my stomach.

I was in shock. How could he say this to me?

He looked at me and, i started getting tears in my eyes.

He saw the impact those words had on me.

"ALLIE STOP ACTING LIKE I'M THE RUDE ONE. STOP ACTING ALL INNOCENT. LIKE WHAT YOU SAID DIDN'T KILL ME. HURTING YOU THAT NIGHT KILLS ME.. AND YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THAT, WILL YOU?" He yelled loudly.

"Ben... I'm so sorry." I cried.

I was, but i also was trying to prove a point.

But arguing with Ben, isn't such a great idea.

He gets mad, and hits things. He has a very high temper.

He stopped and looked at me.

He saw the tears in my eyes. He saw the anger and hurt and worry in me.

He sat down bedside me and whipped my tears away.

He put his arm around me and kissed my forehead.

"Allie, you just can't do this to me. You realize that what happened that night, was the biggest mistake of my life. I will never forgive myself for it. I'm surprised you have." He said.

I looked up at him. I was surprised.

"Why wouldn't i? I love you" i said.

"Allie, listen. I know you do love me. You do. But we aren't a solid couple like you want. We never will be. Sometimes i think its just a good friendship, that has intimacy. We joke, have fun, kiss and have sex. That's all. Relationships are so much more than that. You deserve so much more than that. I don't think that this should continue anymore." He said.

My stomach went sinking down like a ship going under water.

The tears dripped from my eyes at a rapid pace.

I began to freeze like my own human ice sculpture.

My heart broke.

I grew week. And drained.

"No. No!!! No!! What? Wa-wa-what are you talking about. B-B-Ben!!?!!! Why? How? I-i-i. I don't...understand." i tried to say.

"Sh sh sh" he said putting his finger over my lips.

"I don't want to leave you. I love you too much. And i thought you loved me. I thought you loved us." I cried.

"No, no no. Allie, it's not like that. I do. But we... aren't working." He said.

"Yes!! Yes we are! Bernard!!!! How could you do this to me??" I yelled while crying.

He stood up, and picked me up and threw me onto the bed. He climbed on the bed with me and kissed me.

He kept kissing me.

A few seconds later he climbed off, and stood there.

"Goodbye Allie." He said trying to fight the tears.

I lye there, in shock.

This is.... Goodbye?