Shadow Land

Chapter 3: The Change

Flashback:
Oisin held me close to him as I woke up from what felt like a really bad hangover. I wanted to wretch but my throat felt like sandpaper. I coughed but from my throat and even my mouth were lacking something. Something wet. Something I usually had. Saliva.

"You need to drink from someone."

I looked at Oisin. He technically was a 'someone'. He had to have meant him, right? It was like I was talking to him through my eyes. I was too weak to mind link with him, which surprised me, but I still had body language and my eyes. Those looks that say everything without saying a word.

His eyes dropped and I had my answer...

No, not from him.

Not from a blood bag.

From a human being.

Something I was not too long ago, or at the very least felt as though they were mine, my people, my identity, my tribe, my community.

I had been so disgusted with the human blood bags they kept hidden away here. But now I'm the one in need of their services. My heart ached while my body felt like I had the shakes, a trait very akin to an alcoholic going through withdrawal.

Oisin's eyes lifted up to where a beautiful young woman was standing with her arms crossed over her chest and her head hung low. Her beautiful auburn hair falling in front of her face.

I sniffed the air and could smell her fear. Or maybe she just needed a bath.

I felt my eyes dilate realizing my senses were even more intensified.

Her off-white Irish knit wool sweater was a bit too large on her; the collar warn and stretched. Her hair hung in front of her face like the girl from the ring but enticing because between the stretched collar and her auburn hair hanging down made her long ivory neck visible. I could see the blue of her veins pulsating on her long neck. My mouth salivated and my gums hurt like a bitch. The pain brought me back to the present moment and being fully conscious of what Oisin was asking of me. No. I couldn't. I wouldn't.

"You have to." I looked at Oisin questioning how he knew my thoughts but I should just know by now that he knows me.

I shook my head and blinked my now blurry eyes: Please don't make me.

"You have to."

A few moments went by my thirst was outweighing my heart and mind. I frightened her, and myself, with my speed. I held her and she didn't move much, just turned to look at me.

The young woman looked lovely in her sweater and ripped up black jeans that hugged her curvy figure. Her Doc Martin's were impressive. They looked like original ones with the black of her boots creased and worn. She probably got them at a consignment shop or had them passed down like that sweater. Her face was plain but beautiful. I let my eyes roam her very Irish features: freckles, porcelain skin, and stunning blue eyes. When our eyes met, she blushed. She couldn't help it, but it had been the worst thing she could have done at that moment. Just as her face blushed was a reaction she unconsciously made, it started my own unconscious reaction. I tore into her neck when I saw that rosy hued heat rush to her cheeks. Her scent became overwhelming and was my undoing. I had to taste her.

Tightening my hold around her body, feeling the fight instinct slowly left her body, along with her soul.

I thought I'd be able to handle myself, but I felt like I was worse than Rian. I was wet, I wanted to take her sexually. And after, or during, I'd drain her completely of blood. I wanted her in so many ways I couldn't even begin to process and pick them apart before she was dead in my arms.

Beautiful, truly a lovely being, even after her last breath. I slid my back down the wall with her still in my arms. Her blood seeping into that old woolen sweater. There was only a bit of blood on the worn out wool collar; my bite had been clean and I had drained her completely. If I hadn't seen my own bite mark on her neck, I might believe she just died in her sleep. Or, better yet, was sleeping.

I can't be like this. I can't be this person. I can't be a vampire.

Oisin crouched in front of me, "But you are. And you wanted this."

"Kill me." I choked out through a sob.

"Oh, Evee, my love," His hand caressed my cheek, "It's only bad for the first few..." Oisin took a long pause, "years."

"YEARS?! Oh my god, kill me now!" I was being a tad exaggerative but I was falling into a dark place.

"You know I can't do that."

"You mean, you won't." Coward.

"Yes, I won't kill my mate. And the next few years will feel like the dark night of your soul, but it gets better. You will be yourself again." His fingers continued to play with my hair. It was very soothing and making me feel less sad. And more wanting. Wanting him. "I'll take care of you Evelyn. I promised I would and I will. It's an adjustment period."

My tears stopped as a mix of anger and primal need for Oisin grew.

"Evelyn. I can smell your arousal. But between being of Fae blood and now part vampire, we need to work on your self control. A few years will come and gone before you know it. Trust me, I've lived many lifetimes."

"Wait, are you telling me I'm not going to be able to indulge in all the things vampires and Fae see as pleasurable? Even with my soul mate? No. No. I won't become a nun after all of this! No! If I had known that, I'd never have fed on that girl. I would starve before I'd give you up like that."

"You are very hard to resist. And I want to make you happy. Trust me, this is the way to make you feel like your old self again."

The darkness crept in. My mind drifted to a place where my stomach was eternally empty, my thirst never quenched, my core always needy and never satiated. Touch starved. It was a fate worse than death. What was more sad was knowing there were people living that felt that way all the time. They lived with hunger. They lived without love. They lived without easy access to clean water.

No wondering everyone is so depressed. Life is depressing. Why even bother living?

And here I was not alive but not dead. The worst of both worlds.

How many wooden stakes does it take to kill a vampire? I only need to find one.