Shadow Land

Chapter 5: Two Flames

During my time in a cage I've learned how to lucid dream. They pass the time and allow me to access my human memories that feel like another lifetime ago. I know that I am only dreaming but I swear these dream feels vivid and real.

My metacognition, ability to monitor my thoughts, and being a seer both help me to focus and be aware while lucid dreaming.

Although my body is colder and in a large dog sized cage beneath a vampire compound in another world from the one I grew up in, I could still feel the heat from the flames as though they are dancing right in front of me.

My eyes adjusted to the dream scene. It's night time and the smell of gasoline and burning flesh are pungent. I recognize the smell of burnt hair, which I know all too well from accidentally burning my hair doing a love spell when I was in fourth or fifth grade. Huh, I wonder what Nick is doing right now...
"Hey" fingers snapping so close to my face I can feel them too. I even smell the blood on them. "Hey!" The familiar voice yells again.
"Look into my eyes." This all feels so surreal like I'm having Deja vu or something.And when my eyes meet his, I'm paralyzed.

"Focus!" His bark might be worth his bite. I shuddered at the thought and licked my lips craving his fingers in my mouth. I bit down hard on my lower lip trying to hold back the urge to take each of his fingers covered in that red, vile, forbidden substance. It was like water when I'd been in a drought. How could I meet his gaze knowing that my desires are written all over my face.
"Fucking focus, Evelyn!!" He barked.
"How are you even fighting me on this. You are a pathetic human."
"Pathetic human? And what are you?"

"She's got some fight in her." His eyes glistened with delight and something else. Something I didn't understand quite yet. "Maybe you're more like your mum's ma."
I shook my head, feeling all dazed and foggy.
"Come on now Evelyn, focus up. Eyes on me." His finger touched right beneath my chin keeping his dark eyes dead set on mine and he began speaking as if I was underwater. It was muffled but clear. It was powerful. Magical. Not human. But the heat in my body already knew he wasn't human. But he didn't scare me, he excited me.

"You must forget this night ever happened. You were at home being the brilliant school girl you are, while Mr. Pedophile drove his sorry drunken arse into a pole. He died. You will be upset, because humans are emotional like that, even towards worthless shits like him. But you will go on to study and work hard. You will let go of the trauma you have endured. You will remember but it won't be in the front of your mind all of the bloody time. Yeah? Nod if you understand?"

I nod mesmerized by deep brown eyes that light a fire in my stomach.

"Good girl. Now let's get you home. Home. Remember? Home is where you've been all night. At home. Alone. Studying.That's what you will tell the police officers and anyone else who asks about tonight. Right?"

His condescending tone made me want to roll my eyes, but his accent made me weak in the knees. I only nodded in silence.

I don't know how, but like any good dream transition, we suddenly step into my old bathroom. I'm wet and cold. Shards of glass,  blood stains, hair fibers - the evidence of what just happened on me. Me. On my clothing and body. I couldn't breathed it was like an elephant was sitting on my chest. My teeth start to chatter as I look at my hands. I should know what the back of my hands look like, right? Isn't that how the saying goes: I know it like I know the back of my hands.

But I do remember these hands. So frail and dirty looking. Youthful, but not mine anymore. I should be glowing, right? Maybe it was all a dream.

I hear the sound of water being turned off and realize I'm not alone in this bathroom. He's still here. He's drawing a warm bath for me, how odd. Very unusual behavior for him.
"I have to get these off of you now. You are just in shock but a hot bath and some warm milk with honey and cloves will cheer you right up, love. I promise."

His eyes were kind. Still playful and a bit too intense for a girl like me who has yet to have her first real kiss (abusers don't count).

Each piece of clothing on me including my socks and unflattering underwear that did not match my bra like all the slutty and more popular girls at school had, came off.

"Don't be scared love, it's just me."

But I don't feel scared or in need of cheering up. I'm free. Free from that man ever reminding me of my place in this world. Ever winking at me knowingly. Getting drunk and upset I had grown into a woman now. I feel light and bubbly like the bath. Warmth surrounds me and I know it shouldn't feel so visceral because it's only a dream, but I can't help it. The water calms me and the mug of warm milk fills my belly making me sleepy.

The beautiful vampire king sat on the side of the tub looking with his now clean finger just skimming the top of the water on the edge of the bath. "Do I frighten ya?"

I shake my head slowly back and forth to silently say no.

"Good." He let out a big breath. One of those part sigh, part laugh, part sniffling relieved shaky breath. "I'm here because someone I trust sent me. Told me everything. About you and your mum. Her leaving you here with that bloody fucker."
His eyes glowed again and my hand instinctively went on top of his.

"Don't." He moved away quickly. "We can't. I've already messed up the outcome by coming here. You must forget me. Forget this night. Go on and trust we will cross paths again."

I stood up in the bathtub, aware of my nakedness. The only sound was the water moving and dripping.

"Please don't tempt me. I'm already fighting every single urge and I don't know how much longer I can do this."

I reached my hand out but he wrapped me in a towel and picked me up bridal style.

All I remember is him telling me to sleep. A dreamless sleep. No nightmares or wishes. No vibrant colors. Just a dark endless restful sleep.

"You'll pick my brother. You have to. He deserves you and he will fight heaven and hell for you. You will give him purpose and love. It's the greatest gift I can give him. You. My soulmate. My twinflame. My destiny. My heart. You will pick him, no matter how much you are drawn to me."

But why? I wanted to say.

"Because I've stolen his chance at happiness once, I cannot do it again."

Could he hear me?

"Always, my Queen. Always."

Save me. I'm begging you.

"I can't bend the rules for you."

You already have!

It was pointless because I was screaming into a ripple of time that had long been over. It was a memory. Not the here and now.

I felt sick to my stomach. Drained of all wants or needs. Everyone had given up on me for their righteous causes or out of selflessness.
Fuck that. They had given up on me out of selfishness. No one wanted me. And my ancestors who were supposed to be woman I could be proud of and look for support from had used me as their pawn. I felt the cool steel bars and instead of fighting them, I quivered into the fetal position and coughed out a painful tearless sob. I was dehydrated. I was unloved. I was unwanted. If only I could die.
That became my prayer. My mantra. I said it over and over again without emotion. I sounded like a broken record. My voice hoarse from continuously speaking my wish into existence. Repeating it over and over again in a more monotone tone each time.

"If only I could die, let me die."