But I Still Want You {Taekook}

16. Taehyung

Any sane person would have stopped doing what Taehyung was doing with Jeongguk, especially after being so directly confronted with the fact that nothing was ever going to change no matter what he did.

But Taehyung was certainly no sane person when it came to Jeongguk.

Also, he was stubborn as a mule and beginning to form an addiction to sex with Jeongguk. Which was probably why they were here, right now, in the dingy toilets of the Bulletproof Bar, and Taehyung was sucking Jeongguk's brain out through his dick.

Taehyung had been happy, earlier in the evening, when he'd discovered that Jeongguk had finally decided to join them at the bar. He'd come in late; everyone was already there and no one was expecting him anymore, least of all Taehyung, who hadn't expected him at all. Suddenly, Seokjin had exclaimed, "Jeonggukie!" and everyone had turned to look at Jeongguk, who'd smiled at them, asking lightly, "What did I miss?" before sitting next to Namjoon.

Taehyung had been happy, because he was always happy to see Jeongguk when he was least expecting it, but his happiness was subtly muddled with other sentiments, at the forefront of which was melancholy, because Jeongguk was obviously limiting his interactions with him to the bare minimum.

There was also desire, because there always was desire when Jeongguk was involved, and, more surprisingly, there was jealousy, at seeing how easily he was chatting with Namjoon, laughing with Jimin, all the while completely ignoring Taehyung. It wasn't new, and it shouldn't have hurt, but it did.

So he'd been sly, and he'd tried to act a little seductive, and being seductive was the one thing Kim Taehyung really knew how to do; and it had worked. He'd seen Jeongguk catch the way his tongue slid on his lips, he'd seen his gaze linger upon his a little too denuded shoulder.

When Jeongguk had excused himself to the bathroom, Taehyung had taken a quick glance at his friends, well on their way to being completely wasted already, and he'd slipped unnoticed and had cornered Jeongguk in a stall, because the horniness had completely taken over the melancholy.

To be fair, Jeongguk hadn't resisted much, not when he'd finally understood what Taehyung had in mind.

"Fuck," he groaned, while grasping Taehyung's hair in his hand, pulling a bit too hard, and God, that was a great feeling. "You're completely out of your mind. Our friends are out there."

Taehyung couldn't reply, because his mouth was rather busy at the moment, but he just shrugged to indicate he didn't give a flying shit about that.

"What if they ask where we've been?" Jeongguk panted, still gripping Taehyung's hair.

Taehyung pulled back, just enough to reply, "They won't. They're already completely drunk. Now will you let me finish this blowjob or not?", and to that, Jeongguk had no reply.

Well, no other reply than yes.

When they slipped back in their seats, five minutes later, no one seemed to notice anything was amiss. Seokjin was laughing loudly, hand clasped on Namjoon's shoulder, who was beaming, Hoseok was eyeing one of the barmaids and Jimin and Yoongi were being... Jimin and Yoongi.

It was only when Taehyung was back in his apartment, alone once again, since Jimin had gone home with his boyfriend, that he wondered why the hell he'd done that. Jeongguk had been very clear, the day before, that nothing that was broken between them could ever be mended, no matter how hard he tried.

In the end, it was just a way for him to keep Jeongguk around for as long as he could. He was perfectly aware it was in no way going to last forever; either Jeongguk would find a boyfriend and tell him to fuck off, or he'd stay single but still tell him to fuck off.

Or Taehyung would acknowledge this was a desperate case and fuck off all by himself. Who knew? A happy ending was the only option he knew was not on the cards.

Fuck it all. He was going to try as long as Jeongguk let him, and still hope for the best possible outcome.

And anyway, being fuckbuddies with Jeongguk wasn't that bad. In fact, it was pretty awesome when they were at it, which was often. After their biweekly training session, Taehyung would inevitably ask, "See you tonight?" to which Jeongguk would inevitably shrug, but Taehyung had learned that a shrug always meant yes, because when Jeongguk didn't want something, he was pretty clear about it.

And so they would meet at Jeongguk's studio, most of the time, because they were sure nobody was going to barge in on them, and they'd fuck, and it'd be awesome for as long as it lasted.

Then Taehyung would put his clothes back on and leave without even a cuddle, without even a glance from Jeongguk, and that part sucked. Really sucked. But at least he had the memory of a shared moment of intimacy to keep him going.

He had hoped, for a moment, that the longer they would keep doing it, the more Jeongguk would soften. They were getting more and more at ease with each other, especially each other's bodies and desires and limitations - not that there were many - and Taehyung could always count on Jeongguk to make him reach the seventh heaven.

But he'd quickly realized that it was wishful thinking on his part to hope that whatever alchemy existed between them sexually would carry over to the other aspects of their relationship - which was, in fact, practically nonexistent.

Jeongguk was still cold as ice, closed as a strongbox door, and as distant as if he was on the moon rather than in the same room as Taehyung.

"How can you stand that?" Jimin asked him, one evening, after Taehyung had gotten back from Jeongguk's, feeling very blue. "You're clearly unhappy."

"What other option have I got?" Taehyung asked, scowling, sitting on the couch next to him and handing him a beer. "I don't have a choice."

"You can stop taking shit from him that you would never take from anyone else and start moving on."

"This isn't shit," Taehyung pointed out. "It's the best sex I've ever had."

"It's not the best sex you've ever had if the guy kicks you out of the door the second you finish. I know you! You're a cuddler. You need cuddles more than you need sex."

"I don't!" Taehyung lied, putting on a fake offended look, because Jimin was right - as usual. He was a fucking cuddler. Cuddling was his life. High school Jeongguk never failed to cuddle him.

"You do, and Jeongguk is never gonna give you that. I've watched him, Taehyung, when you're together, to see if maybe he looked at you secretly when you aren't paying attention."

"And...?" Taehyung couldn't help but feel a bit hopeful.

"And nothing. It's like you don't even exist. He's never going to fall back in love with you."

"Gee, thanks for cheering me up, Chim," Taehyung tried to joke, but he had a lump in his throat that wouldn't budge. Don't cry, he thought for the nth time just that day.

Jimin looked at him, carefully schooling his expression of pity, but not carefully enough that Taehyung didn't catch it.

"Ok, so I'm just going to ask you this," Jimin said. "Do you want comfort or do you want solutions?"

It was a good question, and Taehyung contemplated it seriously.

"I want comfort," he finally said. There was no solution to his problem - none he wanted to hear, anyway.

"Ok." Jimin smiled at him and grabbed him by the shoulder. "Comfort it is, then. Don't worry about Jeongguk. He'll come round. Everything will be okay."

And maybe it was stupid, but rather than Jimin stabbing him in the heart with the harsh truth, the sweet lie was what he needed to hear the most.

"Thanks, Jiminie."