A background of nightmares

The talk

Stephen 

Tony meets up with me in the Sanctums library. "Stephen, are we going to talk about what the hell all that was about yesterday?" Tony asks and I get up and set my book on the table. 

"Tony sit down. There are things that my brother wants us to talk about." He walks over and sits across from me. 

"So, what was that all about?" He asks and I sigh.

"I've suffered from depression my entire life. When I was a stuck in the body of my younger self, I was reminded of all of that. If you recall, I mentioned my Uncle, and Y/N had to calm me down and remind me that he wasn't around."

"I do remember that. But what does that have to do with the conversation we had?" He asks and I avoid looking him in the eyes. 

"Y/N's recent brush with death again reminded me of that, and everything that he would do when we were growing up. But the fact that he also worked his ass off to make sure that he was able to get home to Eddie, and get the rest of his team, including Jasmine and her family to safety. It reminds me of what he did with me."

"How so?" He asks.

"When I told you that he seemingly cheated death, it was true. I saw him kill himself multiple times, before seemingly getting up or down. Or the few times he climbed back in the house, before walking over to me and picking me up. Not once did he let himself go through with it fully. Instead, he would hold me and walk around the house to check on Donna and Victor."

"Donna and Victor?" He asks and I reach into my pocket and pull out the photos that I've kept of them.

"Our younger sister and brother. I spent many nights with Y/N in his room suffering from nightmares that I would constantly wake up from. Whenever we had to stay with our Uncle, Sherlock and Mycroft were always avoiding him and staying with Y/N."

"It got to a point one time that Y/N had us all leave the house and walk around for a while, before taking us all home. Eventually Sherlock and Mycroft went to bed and Y/N stayed up with me the whole night, because I couldn't sleep. The same thing happens even to this day, but I don't go to him for help anymore."

"Why not?" He asks.

"He's busy and I'm an adult. Plus my nightmares are nothing. As much as I need the help, he need time to himself and to be with his family."

"Stephen you're his family as well. Also you've told me to come to you if I have nightmares. Hypocrite." He says and I nod. 

"Tony do you know why Y/N was pushing for you and I to have this conversation so much?"

"No." Tony says and reaches over and lightly holds onto my hands. "But whatever the reason, it shows that he's still looking out for you." He says and I nod. 

"I know. The reason he wanted me to talk with you, is because he fears what I'm going to do after Peter goes to college."

"Does this have to do with what you told me yesterday?" He asks and I nod. "Stephen please tell me you aren't actually thinking about killing yourself. Peter will need you even while he's in college, Y/N will need you even though he's your older brother, Eddie will need you because he loves to be around you, Mycroft and Sherlock will need you because you're still their family and they love you." He says and I pull my hand back rather harshly. 

"Like hell they will. Y/N will eventually get over not having me around, Eddie will grow up and eventually forget about me, Peter will continue living his life and I will eventually become a memory that hurts him once every couple of years, and both Sherlock and Mycroft will get over it eventually because they don't like to dwell on the past any more than they have to."