SCARRED

3.I FAILED THEM.

LWAZI

After a heated internal battle with myself, and verbal one between my superiors and I, I finally find myself at the hospital where I'm going to start my sessions. The specialist building is right behind the main hospital so I head on over there. Entering the building, I'm welcomed by a bubbly receptionist and I take out the card I got at work and show it to her. She then directs me to the third floor, where Miss. Moatshe's office is based.

It all feels surreal, I feel out of place. I have nothing against getting help, I really don't. But I also don't believe that people should be forced to undergo this process. Take Nkosi for instance, he made this decision because he believes its what's best for him and his family. He wants to do this and really, its good for him. Then there's me, I just see no point in all of this and if it weren't for the fact that I might never be able to return to work I'd just fuck off from here.

I get to her door  and knock once before entering and I'm immediately welcomed by the smile of her receptionist. I quickly scan her name tag and it reads "Grace"

"Good morning." I greet before she does

"Good morning, sir. How are you?"

"I'm well thanks and yourself?"

"I'm good thanks."

"Uh, I have an appointment for 11 o'clock..."

"May I have your name and surname, please."

"Lwazi Mdlalose."

She types and clicks on her computer then a moment later she looks up "You're most welcome, Lieutenant Mdlalose. Please take a seat and Miss Moatshe will see you in a moment" She gestures towards the couch and I get settled on one.

The space in here is quite huge, so much that the waiting area is far from the consutling room door, I'm guessing they did this for privacy sake. I can't imagine that people would still want to spill their guts after knowing that it's possible to hear someone else's business while sitting in the waiting area.

It's not a long time until the door opens and a lady walks out. Her eyes are puffy and she tries to put up a strong appearance but everything else about her screams emotional pain, you see this? This is the reason I don't get along with all of this, I'll walk in fine and walk put looking like that lady-.

"Lieutenant Mdlalose."

"Oh, sorry... I dozed off for a moment there."

"Not a problem, sir. You can go through." Grace says and I look at the slightly open door. I stop for a moment, contemplating if I should just turn around and leave or walk through the door and see. Grace also stands there, patiently waiting for me to reach a decision.

"Thanks, Grace." I shoot her a smile and walk towards the door.

"Before you go in, I just want to say that the world is a much better place with people like you in it." The middle aged lady says with a smile I know all too well.

"Thank you, Grace. I appreciate the kind words."

"No, thank you, sir." she holds my gaze for a little longer and I try not to chuckle, the last thing I want is to make Ms. Grace here start blushing.

I push the door open then close it behind me at around the same time that Miss. Moatshe gets up from her chair to meet me halfway.

"Lieutenant, welcome."

"Lwazi." I say then realise that it may have come out rudely "You can call me Lwazi."

"Alright, Lwazi. Please, take a seat."