When a parent dies, it leaves a hole in the center of your chest. The hole will always be there but over time the pain will ease. When you watch the person who inspires you to become a dancer dies suddenly; your passion for dancing dies with them. W...
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"Friends?"
Seriously!?
Friends?
What the hell happened to ACQUAINTANCES Grayson?!
I don't know how to be friends with Phoebe. I mean I know how to be friends but with Pheebs it's different. There's something about her that pulls me in. Pulls me towards her, wanting more than friends. However, I'm not ready for that. I mean, I still wear my wedding band. That's proof all in itself that I am not ready to move forward yet. Do they make a book for dummies on how to be friends with someone you're attracted to? Like friendzone 101 for dummies?. I thought she would turn down the friend's suggestion. Yet, she surprises me again with agreeing to the whole friends idea. To say I was shocked would be one hell of an understatement.
"What has you death staring at the computer again?" Lane questions.
"Thinking." I grunt out.
"Phoebe again?" He asks.
"What? No! I never think about Phoebe." I deny quickly.
"Phoebe has been running in your head for the last few years Gray. You can't fool me boss." He counters. I mean he's hit the nail on the head with that one. Because it's true. She's been plaguing my thoughts for a long time. And I can't deny that one either.
"I..." I try to deny again.
"Gray, you can't deny it. So what's the problem?" Lane questions. Oh boy! The heart to heart conversations that I hate with a passion.
"I'm just not ready." Is all I can come up with.
"You'll never be ready if you keep holding onto the past. She would want you to be happy not suffering. If trying with Phoebe would cause you the happiness you deserve; she would want that." He tries to reason.
"I.." I try again to argue but I have nothing to say.
"You can't keep holding onto the past. It'll drag you down every time. You have three girls out of the mix. You'll always have her with you every step of the way. Especially since those three angels are half you and half her. You deserve everything in this world yet you think you don't. Therapy could help with letting go. All I'm saying man is you can still hold onto her but have a future here. Meaning keep her in your heart but move forward. You're living in the past; when you should be thinking and living for the future. I'm not saying let go at this very moment because that would be impossible. It will take some time but you'll make it in the end." Lane explains his thoughts. He takes my silence to continue.
"You've been a shell of who you once were. I've seen glimpses of your old self when Phoebe is around. I miss the old you man." Lane says in a sad low voice.
"I miss the old me too." I whisper out. He walks out of my office and closes the door behind him. Leaving me in my thoughts once again. My mind replays everything Lane has said in the last ten minutes. His reasonings make sense I know this but how do I move forward without feeling guilty. I begin to fiddle with my wedding band once again.
First Step: Remove this ring from my finger.
Carefully, I slide the ring of my finger. I place the ring into my front pocket. I glance down at my hands and can see the perfect tan line from my ring. I haven't took this thing off since the day we had gotten married. I wonder who will notice that I no longer have the ring on my finger. Probably no one actually. Who pays that much attention to someone?
I sure don't unless it's one person.
And I doubt anyone else pays that much attention to people's fingers except for her.
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