The Spotlight is On!

69

"You're shaking." He laced my fingers together.

"Sorry," I felt my stupid tears fill my eyes.

He got up suddenly, and pulled me up to his lap again.

"I'm really sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me." I sniffled into his shirt, playing with the buttons.

"It's ok, nothing's wrong with you," he rubbed my back in small circles. We stayed quiet for a while, while I got my anxiety under control. All the while, my eyes started to droop, and I sighed deeply to hold back my yawns.

"Sleep, love." Edward smiled.

"I'm really sorry," I mumbled sleepily. I felt a kiss on my forehead as a drifted off.

~oOo~

I woke up groggily in Edward's room. His white walls blinded me, and I covered my eyes under the covers. Covers?

I rose quickly and realized that I was sleeping in his bed. His bed?!

Did we have sex last night?

No, we couldn't have. I fell asleep after we made out on the couch. He must have carried me upstairs.

I itched my messy hair and felt the tug of fatigue creep into my eyes. I snuggled into the warm covers and fell back asleep.

~oOo~

~3 Hours Later~

I arose to the smell of pancakes. I smiled sleepily and stretched. I got up to use Edward's side bathroom, then walked downstairs in his big T-shirt. I tripped on the way down, as usual, but got my way up. I stepped in the kitchen and turned beet red.

Edward's whole family, and mine included, eyes were on me in Edward's shirt.

Emmett's jaw dropped; Esme gasped, and didn't exactly look thrilled; Alice and Rose couldn't stop smiling; Carlisle looked pissed; and Edward's ears turned as red as my cheeks.

And just like a coward, I ran back upstairs. Tears of embarrassment filled my eyes as I slammed Edward's bedroom door.

I slid down to the floor and hugged my knees, trying to contain my breath control.

A knock scared me out of my stupor.

"Bella?" Edward's muffled voice called. "Can I come in?"

I shook my head even though he couldn't see. "No," I croaked.

He sighed, "Bella, no one's mad at you. Emmett made a joke, my mom's ok, everyone knows we didn't....you know. So, it's ok. I put you in that shirt last night so you could feel comfortable."

I took in everything he said and rubbed my eyes. I sniffled as I opened the door and walked into his arms. He sighed and kissed my forehead, rocking me from side to side gently.

"Can we talk about last night?" I mumbled.

"Yeah," he said. He let go of me, but still took a hold of my hand. We sat on his unmade bed.

I played with my hands as I spoke. "So, I've never felt completely comfortable with anyone the way I feel with you. I can have fun and play music one day, then feel like you're the only one who has ever gotten me. You've taught me so much about myself, living in your world. And I want to keep living in it. The sexual parts of this," I gestured to the space between us, and Edward smiled, "I've never, ever done that. Ever. And last night kinda threw me off. It's not like I didn't like it, I did! But, um, I've just never done that before, and..." I shook my head and nervously ran a hand through my hair, forgetting that my hair was now super-short. Why did I cut it, again?! I looked back at my boyfriend, and he looked a bit confused. "Do you get it? It's ok if you don't, I'm not explaining it right." I sighed, my long bangs getting in my eyes.

Edward pushed my bangs out of my face, and I looked up. "Is it that you want to, but you're not ready?" he asked.

I frowned in confusion. "Ready for...?"

He raised his eyebrows suggestively, and I gasped and turned away. He laughed and doubled over on the bed.

"You're disgusting!" I grabbed a pillow and whacked him over the head. He took the pillow and hit me over the head. We started a pillow war, and ended up wrestling under the sheets in laughter.

When we grew tired, I rolled over onto his back and kissed his neck. "You're still disgusting," and his snickers muffled into the pillow. "But I love it, and I love you." I nuzzled my nose into his hair, the scent of Head and Shoulders filling my head.

"I love you, too." He sighed.

"Do you ever think about having kids?" I asked, out of the blue.

"Hmm....yeah. Sometimes. I had a dream we had a kid once."

I smiled, "Really?"

"Yeah, you were cleaning, and this little boy, who I presumed was our son because he had your eyes, and you picked him up and swung him around," he chuckled.

Wow, he saw me as a mother already? Did I even want kids? Was I capable of raising children when I was still learning how to raise myself?

Edward looked up and turned us around to lay on our sides. "Bella?"

I nervously looked up and told him,"I'm not sure if I want to be a mom. I'm not even sure about sex, yet. Maybe someday, but right now, no. I like working with kids and stuff, but I've never thought about being a mom."

Edward smiled lovingly, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear, "It's fine, I'd be ok with just taking care of you."