Comfortable Chaos

Chapter 12

Brandi

My bad. I thought you wanted it.

After we ate and talked for a while, Andre pays for our food and we get up to go for a walk on the beach. There's still a hint of blue in the sky but I can tell dusk is nearby. The bright, clear aqua of the water has turned deep sea blue. A few seagulls are hovering around the boardwalk. We remove our shoes and walk down the small wooden steps on to the beige crystal sand. The breeze is picking up. I should have brought a sweater. I squeeze my arms to my side, bracing myself against the cool air. Andre puts his arm around me and rubs my arm.

"Are you okay?" he asked, looking down at me.

I shiver again. Not because of the breeze. It was the chill that ran up my spine when he touched me. "Yeah."

The more we walk, the breeze subsides a little. Still, Andre keeps his arm around me, which I do not protest. It's like a dream come true. I feel like I've envisioned this moment for a long time. And my heart is singing at its arrival. We continue to walk until we reach the area up under the boardwalk. It's heavily shaded but it offers a clear view of the ocean. I can see the sun setting in the distance, gently submerging itself under the thick clouds.

"This is beautiful," I said. My voice cracks a little because of my happiness.

"I know," Andre said. "I like to come here sometimes to think."

"I can see why. If I had a camera, I would take a picture. As a matter of fact," I dropped my shoes and reach inside my pocket for my phone. I press for the camera, aim and take a shot. It's perfect. We take a couple more shots, individual and together.

Andre sits down on a large rock nearby and I sit on his lap. Butterflies flutter around my stomach. I try to still them but it's pointless. This is the most exciting moment in my life. Then, a question hits me. It's one I've neglected to ask Andre before.

I face him. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

He shakes his head. "No. Do you?"

I suck my teeth. "Ha ha ha."

Andre chuckles.

"When was your last girlfriend?" I asked.

"A few months ago."

"What happened?"

"She moved away."

"Why?"

"Her family moved. So she moved." He looks me up and down. "What about you? When was your last boyfriend?"

I clear my throat. "I haven't exactly had one."

He narrows his eyes. "Why?"

"Because...my parents are really protective."

He nods and looks off at the ocean. "I can understand that."

"You can?"

"Uh huh."

"Well, I can't. I'm not a kid anymore. They have to learn to let go and let me live. I wanna get out and experience life, you know?" I asked, looking into his eyes.

He returns my stare with his own piercing gaze. "Yeah." Then, he leans forward and kisses me softly. His lips are thick and full against mine. So much so that they startle me at first and I pull back. He responds by moving his hand over and in between my thighs. He moves in to kiss me again, except this time it's more forceful and probing. I give in and return his kiss. Then, his hand and fingers began to probe my body more. It slides up my peach top, wasting no time finding my bare breasts and rubbing them.

I wonder if I should stop but, at this point, I can't think of a good reason. My parents thought I was with Teresa. I like Andre. He's nice to me and what he's doing feels good to me. His kisses move down my neck to the area that he had rubbed into complete submission. I grab the back of his neck and toss my head back.

He then unzips my jeans in a hurry. His increased speed surprises me and catches me off guard. I suddenly lose my balance as he shoves his hand in my underwear and gropes me aggressively. I try to hold it together. Although I don't like his approach, I thought it would get better. But then he picks me up and turns me around to face the rock. With my hands on the rock, he unzips his own jeans and then yanks at mine to pull them down. I'm frozen as images of the wooden board and the medal shelf appear to me. I can feel my hair being pulled and my insides being pounded all over again.

I can't take it anymore. I shake and my breath becomes shallow and quick.

"No," I muttered. "No, no, no, no."

Then, my body gives way to sharp and violent convulsions. I swing my arms around like crazy to the point that it finally gets Andre's attention.

"No! No. No." By this time, I'm facing him, crying. I slide down the rock and try to catch my breath but I'm still struggling. Between my tears, I can occasionally see Andre's face. His expression is complete confusion and also hurt. I want to explain but I can't. I can't explain what has happened to me. I can't ask him to understand it.

Andre raises his hands. "My bad. I thought you wanted it."