Loving You Is Painful

Chapter 4

*4 months later*
*Baekhyun's POV*

I have been going crazy. I haven't eaten for days. Suho would always give me food in the morning but I wouldn't eat it. I might eat a few snacks, but I can't keep down a whole meal of food. The days feel longer and I feel more distant from everyone. Now I feel as lonely as Chanyeol was, no wonder he would do the things he did.

I was thinking about being just like Chanyeol, so I can go in the mental hospital with him. It was part of the plan to be one of the patients there, but I don't think I would be able to see him. Well it's worth a shot.

*later that day*

I have gathered some drugs that I can use and made sure that only Kyungsoo and Lay were home. I first cut myself, writing C-H-A-N-N-I-E in my skin and watching the blood flow out of my cuts. The blood dripping fast onto my pants and on the floor. Then on my other arm I cut I-S M-I-N-E. Yeah, I'm very possessive. I felt the sting from the cuts, but I just love the feeling.

I grabbed a needle and injected some of the drugs that I had into my veins. I felt really light headed and everything was spinning. I kept laughing like crazy and yelling, "Hey guys!!! Look at my blood!" I was walking drunkenly to the living and Kyungsoo quickly stood up. Lay just stared at me with wide eyes, "What are you doing, Baekhyun!" Kyungsoo held my arms out and Lay went to grab a washcloth.

After they cleaned up the mess Kyungsoo shooed Lay out of the living room. I just stared at the wall, "Why can't Channie come back?" Kyungsoo sighed, "Because... He's sick and needs to take time away. Now why are you doing this Baekhyun?" I didn't stop staring at the wall. It was really quiet until I suddenly remembered he asked me a question, "I want to see Channie that's why I'm doing this. I want to be with him forever," Kyungsoo grabbed my arm and pushed me out the front door.

*Chanyeol's POV*

I was in my room. The voices in my head are all speaking at once. It gives me a headache every time they speak because it's mostly EXO's voices. They all are taunting me and saying hurtful things to me. The one that sticks out the most is Kris' voice. His voice always says, "Kill yourself," "You don't belong in this group," "Your just a mistake," It drives me insane.

There was a loud bang on the door, "Mr. Park, it's time to eat lunch," the guard said. I got off of my bed and walked towards the door. I left the room and walked to the cafeteria that they had. I had my plate of food and my plastic utensils. I sat at a table, it was empty, and started to eat. I could feel everyone's stare on me as I ate, it's like they are studying my every move. The guards are mostly focused on me and I have no idea why.

The demonic voice came through the loud speakers, "Park Chanyeol. Come to the room again. Did you forget our appointment?" I sighed and stood up. The chances of getting out without a scratch was very slim, maybe even close to none. I walked out of the cafeteria with three guards behind me. I wish that I could fight them, but they had their weapons.

We had arrived in front of large white doors. My heart was racing quickly and my hands were starting to get sweaty. The guard on my right pulled out a card and swiped it on the scanner next to the door. The door opened, I was pushed in and the guards followed in for the first time. I could tell that there is going to be newer punishments this time.

I sat on the bed in the corner of the room. The voice spoke up again, "Well I haven't noticed anything bad from you for the last few days. Are my punishments starting to get into your dumb brain?" I laughed. This person is so stupid. All the burns, scars and bruises are nothing to me than going through everything back in the group. I looked around the room and smiled deviously, "No. I'm planning something big. Like maybe make some explosives and finally ditch this place. I've been through worse than what you have put me through so far," now the voice started laughing.

The guards laughed in my face. The voice spoke up once again, "Men... Punish him. Make sure to rip the clothes into pieces," I pushed myself against the corner and hugged my knees. I could hear them coming closer to me. One of the guards yanked my arms away and pinned me to the bed, "Don't worry... This will end soon."

*Baekhyun's POV*

Kyungsoo was driving me to some place. The sun was starting to set and all the colorful lights were shining in through the windows. I had the urge to feel the pain of having my skin cut and the blood leak out. I also want to feel the same high as when I had those drugs in my system. Kyungsoo glanced at me, "So... Are you putting yourself into the mental hospital?" I looked at him and awkwardly smiled, "Well yeah. I want to stay with Channie. I know Kris won't allow it, but I need him. He's my light and without him then I'm all alone in the dark," I can tell that Kyungaoo wants to say something about thinking this through.

We had arrived at the gates of the hospital, "Are you sure you want to go?" He looked at me. I shrugged, "I would like to see Chanyeol, so yeah. I need to know if he's alright and all," Kyungsoo nodded. The gates opened and we drove into the parking lot.

It was dark out and the stars were shining brightly. Kyungsoo and I walked into the mental hospital. We walked to the front desk where the receptionist was on the phone, "Okay, he will be in the same room with Kim Taehyung. Okay... Yeah... Have a nice day," she looked up at us, "Hello! How can I help you!" She smiled. Kyungsoo cleared his throat, "Well... Baekhyun would like to be put into this place. He's been using drugs, cut himself, and I think he's gone a little crazy. He's been very possessive with a certain person," the lady at the desk nodded and wrote everything down.

We were sitting in the waiting room and this man came out in like a doctor outfit, "Byun Baekhyun," I looked up and ran up to him. I looked at Kyungsoo and then to the man, "So Byun Baekhyun, you are going to stay in the same room as Park Chanyeol," he flipped through his clipboard if papers. I tried not to smile, "Okay..." Was all I could say.

Kyungsoo left and the doctor was walking me to the room that I will be staying in. I was excited to see Chanyeol that I almost exploded with emotions. Then we stopped at a white door. The doctor knocked on it, but no one was there, so the doctor opened it, "Here you go. Chanyeol should be here in a few minutes," I walked in. I looked around and the doctor smiled at me, "Thanks. I hope to meet my roommate," I bowed. The door closed and I waited patiently to see my Channie.

*Two hours later*

It felt like forever. I thought Chanyeol wouldn't have come, but he did when I heard a knock on the door. It opened and there were three guards with smirks on their faces and a person who is beaten with many bruises and cuts, bloody nose and a busted lip. His clothes were torn. Then I realized that it was Chanyeol.

They pushed him into the room and closed the door as soon as Chanyeol fell to the ground. I crawled to him, "CHANYEOL!" I yelled. He opened his eyes a little, "B-Baek-hyun?" I cried and smiled. Chanyeol was struggling to get away from me, "Why are you here?" I wiped my tears, "I wanted to see you," I rolled up my sleeves to show him my cuts, "I did this and became crazy just for you..." Chanyeol just stared at me, "You can't be here... You have to leave," I tilted my head. He was shaking in fear and was very pale. I wanted to hold his hand, but he flinched, "Channie... What did they do to you?"

Chanyeol shivered. I wanted him to tell me. He sat on his bed and stared at the floor, "They touched me... They hurt me... I feel so weak and helpless. I feel so violated and dirty. I don't understand why you would want to be here," I balled up my fist, "They WHAT!" Chanyeol flinched again. I was growing furious, "Chanyeol, I will kill them for what they have done! I'll find a way to get us out. We might just have to endure it a little more," he shook his head, "It'll be impossible," Chanyeol said.

*30 minutes later*

I made a small plan that will need some tweaking later. Chanyeol had fallen asleep. He needs his rest from what they did. I was still angry, I almost broke my pen. I hid the plan away under my pillow. I walked over to Chanyeol and kissed his forehead, "Goodnight Channie..." I went back to my bed and fell asleep.

Channie. I will find a way to leave. I promise with all my heart.