Always you

Two

Okay so here we go, second chapter. So this chapter isn't actually too long so yeah. I hope you still like it.

! TW ! : panic attack; mention of self harm; talk about dissociation.
Stay safe you guys<3

Also if you guys don't know what dissociation is it's probably best to just google it because like actually explains it would be a bit to complex.
Word count: 1825

There he was now, sitting on the floor with a box right in front of him, that held his life and everything he needs to survive.
His breath was hitching, eyes were stinging from the tears that were threatening to roll down his cheeks, his whole body shivering from the tension he held deep inside his chest. He tried to not lose control through putting his shaky hands on his chest. Feeling his hands press down, closing his eyes breathing actively into his chest, then into his stomach.
"This in not the time to loose it Tyler, pull your fucking act together." , he thought to himself.
It was working, well at least he thought it was. His breath was slowing down and the shaking started to calm down as well, wich of course doesn't mean that his thoughts stopped racing. That never stopped. The memories as well as the slight shaking of his hands stayed, but that wasn't a surprise. To calm that shit down he'd have to...do other stuff, wich he always tried to avoid under any circumstances because that sometimes just brought more trouble along. Well at least it did at home, but he didn't even want to think about it, though he already did. He was not going to do it, no, but sometimes even the thought of it seemed to calm him down, it gave him control, because he knew he could and had done it before, but again he was not going to.
He could feel the pressure though, waiting to be released. But...he was not going to do it. He didn't even notice that while thinking about all of this, that his right hand went up to his left bicep, where over four dozen white and pink scares were. He could feel them through his hoodie, feel how some of them were lifted up from his skin and how others were almost melted back into his skin. He quickly pulled his hand back to lie it back in his lap. He lifted his head and looked into the box. Just then he realized the music that was still splaying trough his headphones, so he pressed pause and took them off to put them next to himself.

His hands were shaking again but that didn't stop him from taking out the four black notebooks out of the box, along with his ukulele. He put both next to right where his headphones were after taking out his keyboard and as well as all the cables and the legs that were required for it. Now that everything was spread out to both of his sides he got to his feet
to unfold the moving box and put it at the foot end of his bed.

The stuff was still lying on the floor but he couldn't get himself to put it away. He only kept on staring at it with no attempt on moving it or himself. He could feel himself tense up and shaking all over again. It was to quiet and all he could here was his own steady breath but nothing else.
Everything felt real, too real. He felt his clothes on his skin, the cold that was still clinging to him from going out for a smoke even after all this time, his fingernails that were digging into his palm. He felt it all and it was exhausting, but everything kind of is so what does it matter?
He was feeling somewhat dizzy from everything that had happened tonight, so he decided to sit down on his bed. He let himself fall onto his back while trying to think of anything but...anything but being alive. Wich was hard because he felt everything, but at the same time he didn't. He rather felt like he was existing that actually living.

He was close to falling asleep and it was already around 2 am so Tyler made his way to the bathroom to get ready for bed.
It was cold and he felt the sleep pulling at his limbs and eyelids. Even without the sleep he felt like everything was to heavy, everything too exhausting.

After getting up from his bed he almost fell over the stuff that was still on the floor, so before even really thinking about it he put everything to the side of the room where his guitar was already standing. He picked up his headphones to put them back next to his bed before he finally went into the bathroom.