corridor | chino moreno x jonathan davis

ep. 3

jonathan davis' pov

in the morning my head was taken over by a horrible migraine. as soon as i tried to sit up on the bed i immediately fell back between the pillows. the curtain was not drawn, which caused the sun to shine directly on the bed, which happened to be right in my eyes. i looked around cautiously, it didn't go out of my mind that i had spent the night with chino, so i wasn't surprised by the foreign environment, i.e. chino's room. a lot of memories arose in me, i longingly recalled the moments of our enjoyment. even though he basically forced it on me, he treated me very carefully. as if i were just a girl for whom this was the first time, and every part of me is terribly fragile. he was lying with his back to me, breathing loudly. i reached out for a caress, but stopped halfway and left it all. there is no need for aftercare, as we are not a couple. in fact, it was only a one-time occasion between us. but still, the way he lay there vulnerable and tired... the fact that i dominated didn't help the situation either, i hope i didn't hurt him too much. he's probably sleeping his deepest dreams right now, i'd rather not disturb. accompanied by a sigh, i tried to get out of bed, which was a great ordeal because of the headache. as soon as i sat on the edge, i immediately felt so dizzy i had to sit there for a few seconds to let the pain fade. i wandered into the bathroom and washed my face. i was only wearing underwear, so touching any part of my body causes feeling our night's dirt sinking into my skin. i was disgusted by my own sloppyness, i couldn't have dressed like that. i bet chino wouldn't mind if i used the shower for a few minutes. i walked back to get my scattered clothes, then turned on the hot water and tried to take a shower as quickly as possible. i wasn't surprised when i got back and chino still didn't get up. maybe he won't do for a long time, but that's okay since it's sunday. he needs to give himself a rest. i placed the yellow basin i found in the bathroom next to his bed, just in case.. i filled a glass with fresh water, which i then put on his bedside table. he may not remember anything or regret what happened, but such things happen after you acted drunk. however, i didn't want it to live only in my memories, so i grabbed a pen and paper then left a message next to the glass of water.

"chino.
i went home, i still have a lot to do. i used the bathroom, i hope that's okay. when you're up we'll discuss everything, come over.
ps. i really enjoyed the night, i hope i didn't hurt you too much

- jonathan"

sighing heavily, i left him alone in the apartment and returned to mine.

i passed the time by washing dishes during the music came from the stereo. some stupid mariah carey song dominated the speakers, which unfortunately i couldn't turn off with my wet hands. i'm starting to get really bored of 'fantasy', but for some reason the top lists can't get enough of it and they take every opportunity to push this dripping crap down your ear canal. moreover musically i also consider it quite weak. writing something catchy does not equate to being talented. and i haven't even talked about mariah carey's annoying voice yet.. but of course this one was better than the next song, the most overplayed shithole of the year.. if you haven't heard it at least every day then you haven't even heard it once at all. i couldn't deal with the all-consuming nerve-racking of gangsta's paradise, i grabbed the stereo buttons with water dripping hands and switched to another channel. now would really be the time to buy some tapes with my favorite music, but with my current wallet i should still pray that i survive the month somehow. i can't afford any expenses right now. let's say it wouldn't hurt to start looking for another job, i don't think delivering pizza would be profitable in the long run. i want to vomit from the smell of fresh pizza dough. not to mention the cases when people - mostly girls - make comments like "if i only knew the phone number hid you.." or "it wasn't just the pizza that was worth waiting for". absolutely sickening. and not only because i don't find lame compliments like these attractive in the slightest, but because i know that a jealous boyfriend lives in those houses as well. a jealous boyfriend who would love to use the adjective "faggot". i'm not surprised.
once a dude even spat on my shoes after his girlfriend tried to get my phone number. i explained at length that i have a girlfriend - of course it was just an excuse - and i really should go. the guy suddenly showed up, and my holey vans shoes got a saliva stain on them. i didn't say anything, but in hindsight, it would have been worth losing my job for beating up his ass. it's not like i have that much courage, i carry out all revenge only in my head. i've been doing this my whole life, it always worked as a kid in kindergarten and as a high school student too, both at home and outside from my family house. why wouldn't it work as an adult? maybe it's all these repressed anger that led me into thinking it's normal not to stand up for yourself. i could have thought of last night again, when i was basically forced into a situation but the two occasions don't even come close to each other..
and to be honest, i don't know when was the last time i felt so good in my life. but of course i have to acknowledge that this was just a once in a lifetime experience, regardless of how good it was for my self-confidence that someone trusted me at such a high level. if we look at the circumstances this story is not that perfect, chino was so drunk he didn't even see up to his nose. but my mind likes to leave out the details to keep the memory beautiful. after i dried my hands i heard modest knocks coming from behind the front door. i pressed the door handle relatively scared, because who knows what mood i'll find the hungover moreno in. who, by the way, found out from a piece of paper that he slept with me, with his nextdoor neighbor, as i highly doubt he would remember it on his own.
when our eyes met i could hardly detect any signs of nervousness or shame on his face expressions. slowly, barely noticable but his lips drawn into a fading smile. like a schoolboy who just got home from his very first date. he seemed shy, which is hard to imagine after last night.
- i thought you would come later. - i let him in.
- me too. but it seems like the beer didn't kill me. - he aimed at the couch in the living room. he tried to behave respectfully and not to take hard looks around, meanwhile there were definitely things to look at on the walls. lyrics all over, smaller motifs, patterns, drawings, quotes... graffiti. the tenant before me started this art, and for some reason the owner did not deal with it. after a few months, i had to come to realize that he's basically giving a shit about the whole thing, so i continued what the dear unknown had started. i'm enjoying it now, but i won't be surprised if the owner throws me out of the house without a single word.
- thank you for the water, the basin, and - he took a deep breath - and the message as well. i really appreciate it. can i have another glass? hydration is important.
- of course. i hope you didn't have to use the basin. i meant it as a precaution.
- after taking a cold shower i felt a thousand times better, so thank god no. but i'm thinking about forcing every poison out of my body then go back to sleep. - he took the glass from me with a nod, then began to drink greedily. after secs, he drank the contents of the glass and began to bouncing his legs nervously.
- you don't have to worry. you didn't hurt me. it's very blurry but i can remember how well we worked. in fact, perhaps i have never complemented myself so well with anyone. - a faint blush appeared on chino's face, which i thought was extremely attractive. it's good that he thinks back positively, - good that he can thinks back at all - but between the two of us... it's not feasible. and i let him know that.
i took a seat next to him on the couch, looking deep into his eyes to make him take me seriously.
- chino, i have to tell that it was.. fucking amazing. - i laughed - seriously. but we have to forget what happened - he immediately raised his head with big puppy eyes. as if he was begging without words.
- i don't think we have the same goals. i'm not looking for this, yesterday was an exception. i want a serious relationship, i want to get to know each other. i find you extremely attractive and special, but we are not driven by the same mindset.

i think he didn't expect this reaction, because he was staring off into the distance with a confused look. it surprised him or maybe it was just the hangover having fun with his facial expressions, i don't know..
for some reason it hurt me as well, i was hoping it could be something more serious. as long as i could aspire for him it went perfectly. i like waiting for people, maybe i don't even need a chino moreno who after a few bottles of beer starts to beg for you to make him suffer. even if i got a memory a thousand times better than expected. god, the hands..
- if that's what you want, i'll respect it. i want to apologize for forcing such a situation on you yesterday, i promise i will avoid alcohol in your company. however, i won't retract my opinion, you were incredible.. - chino tried his best to make me blush which i found cute. by the way it was successful. - but okay. this incident is forgotten between us.
- yes, it is. - i repeated him with a firm tone, although there was a hidden pain behind my words. i feel like i'm doing the right thing, but deep inside something is extremely longing. something is begging and screaming, almost starving for a second chance.

..fuck it.