corridor | chino moreno x jonathan davis

ep. 7

jonathan davis' pov

have you ever had the feeling that you have to focus in every second on feeling good, to keep your mood up? and if you lose the thread for a minute, overthinking comes like an avalanche. you are so concentrated on finding something to keep you busy that you don't even notice how deep you are sitting in your own depressed and miserable mud. i enjoyed the delivery. i've enjoyed it all my life, others say it's a monotonous job, i didn't think so at all. it was always able to give me something extra, but lately it has become more and more drawn out. i started to get bored of it, by now it's gotten to the point where i slowly hate doing this. i'm also starting to need company, as i'm almost unable to sit in a car all day and listen to my own thoughts. i hate to admit it, but even with layne i felt better in that stinky kitchen than behind the wheel alone. i can't wait to get home, as if anything is waiting at home to motivate me. chino usually gets home much later, so on average i just sit on the couch with a cassette playing and smoking a cigarette. i considered cleaning almost as a hobby, just like cooking, but i can't remember when i cooked anything or tidied up the house for the last time. chino started to complain about the dirt and the smell, but i don't really care. he should shut up with his moldy home. he threatens that if i don't clean up, he won't come over again, but he just has a big mouth. he's actually unable to live without me. or at least without my body, that's for sure. i would say that the feeling is mutual, but then i would be lying. i don't need making love every day, but on the other hand, i really need something else. chino leaves me alone every time, sometimes he doesn't even say anything, he just storms out the door. usually he lies next to me for a while, but he even refuses look at me. then when he gets tired of that, he gets dressed and leaves me there. the situation is different when i go to his apartment. i couldn't do the same to him. although he never forces me to go home, he doesn't pay any amount of attention. at such points a small lump forms in my throat, but i can't cry. it would help more if i could just slap him in the face because he'd deserves that. i don't know why i agreed to adventuring with a man i was really interested in. who i am interested in more and more every day. but i feel like i get much less than before i even spoke to him at all. i wanted to feel him so much that i didn't even notice how much i didn't need the opportunity offered. i pulled my legs up, put my arms around them and leaned towards my knees. at this moment he entered the door. that stupid front door is so loud that if chino secretly wanted to come in, he still wouldn't be able to, because you can hear it getting opened at the other end of the housing estate. moreover, even his boots thumped loudly on the wooden floor.
- i brought you such a coffee, the seller forced me to buy, also there was some stupid sale on it so i thought why not. - he threw the bag of powder on the kitchen counter, i got really startled by the sudden noise. i'm having a hard time getting used to this hair, even though it's been several weeks since i cut it. i'm always surprised by how well it suits him.
- is everything ok? - he asked, and i nodded in response.
- i'll open a window, if that's not a problem. - he went to one of the windows of the small apartment.
- i'm going to take a shower and such, then come over in the evening. i had a long day and i'm really tired. - he said, then walked out the door with the same vigor he came in with. that was the visit of the day, as if he's forced to talk to me, so he daily comes in for 15 seconds. or maybe his conscience just told him that it would be good if he took me into account. but he's been doing this for a very long time, so i shouldn't be surprised. i stood up and slowly walked to the kitchen counter to inspect the coffee. i looked at the price and when i saw it i got all shocked. i don't know why chino lets them scam him, he could easily rent a new apartment for this price.

he's even more beautiful than usual when he collapses into the bed next to me, all sweaty, wet and tired. his chest rised and fell profusely as his lungs begged for air, his breathing hadn't even organized yet, he was already reaching for the cigarette.
- i needed this. - he sighed, then wrapped his arms around me with the same arm he held the cigarette, carefully placed ashes on my bedside table.
- no hair left to grab. - i complained as i violently ran through his locks.
- well it's been a while - he hummed carelessly, then closed his eyes. he was still breathing through his mouth, his lips even more swollen and red than before. oh lord, i really wanted to kiss him, but he never lets me. as if it were a crime. i gently ran my index finger along his chest, just so softly that the feeling of it irritated his skin. then i carefully rested my head on his shoulder and watched his reaction. i could feel the rows of tiny goosebumps running down his arms, from his shoulders to his wrists. we just lay there speechless while he smoked his cigarette. by the time he was done, his breathing had settled. i wanted to say something and at the same time wait with bated breath to see what his next move would be. the only light source was my bedside lamp, which cast a gray, night light from my side onto chino's face and neck area. uncertainly, but his fingers moved closer to my skin, he pulled me a little closer to him, and then started to caress. he didn't look at me, but i knew he was interested in my reaction. i don't know when was the last time he touched me after we finished. i didn't want to disturb him with stupid comments, i was afraid of him leaving me right away, even though i really wanted to tell him that generally he never does this.
- you could really buy a tv. it would fit perfectly on that shelf. - he broke the silence.
- no, i'm not a fan of television. your stupid tapes will do just fine when it comes to background noise.
- you may be saying this now, but last time you really liked the show i was watching. don't fool yourself, you couldn't take your eyes off it. - obviously i didn't want to tell him that i only watched because he hadn't sent me home until then. anyway, it was a load of shit, i was even surprised that chino watches such things in his free time.
- it was a one-off occasion. i wouldn't spend a single cent on tv.
- what a waste. - he sighed, but the barely noticeable smile sat on his face.
- why do you want it so much? would you be planning on staying if i bought one? - i tried to make it seem like i was just asking as a joke, even if i was genuinely interested in his answer, his reaction.
- would i stay? - he caught my eye's attention while tucking my hair away with the arm he embraced me with. i conspicuously stared his lips, but i gave up halfway, because for some reason it meant much more that he was looking at me with such domineering eyes. maybe he had never done that so sensually before. one can definitely get weak from this sight, because one feels there's no need to stay strong. i don't know why i do this to myself. it's getting ridiculous, but i'm having a hard time keeping my limits.
- i swear, chino.. - i whispered, then managed his free hand on my face. he immediately took the hint and began to fondle with his thumb. a satisfied smile appeared on his face, but the moment didn't last long. he suddenly looked desperate, as if something had occurred to him. he sat up on the bed in no time, eyes searching for his clothes. i followed his movements curiously.
- now it's time for me to go. - he started to dress.
- i have a date tomorrow. - he answered, as if he sensed that i was questioning his strange behavior. my eyebrows shot up when i heard the news, the pain was quickly replaced by anger and an immeasurable amount of disgust.
- i ran into her yesterday, she's a nice girl. she said she knew a good place and i went along with the idea. - i saw him avoiding my gaze. he glanced to the side to see if i'm looking at him, but he doesn't dare to look me right into the eye. he knew.
- i just thought i'd tell, because i'll probably be late tomorrow. so now you know the reason. - he pulled up the zipper of his hoodie and put his hands in his pockets. he looked like a fucking homeless. i wanted to jump on him and beat him until my fist and his face were both covered in blood. what a selfish dick. i lay back in bed and started staring at the ceiling.
- good. have fun. - i answered with a cynical tone. if he had stayed more than a minute, if he had said anything else, i probably would have started a fight with him and it would've cut everything between us. but fortunately, he gave a crap about my feelings as usual, so he walked out my door without a word. poor girl, if only she knew what an insensitive asshole she spotted for herself. i went to take a shower, there's no hell i'm smelling this man's scent on me all night.