Give Me A Chance (boyxboy)

Eleven

"What?" I ask her incredulously.

Sadie sighs and pushes her hair out of her face. "Dude, you're transparent and oblivious," she says, raising her eyes to the sky. I think about digging a hole beneath and me burying myself. I'm a couple more adjectives away from doing so. "Do you not see that he does the same things?" she asks me, a little bit louder than a whisper. I think Joshua might have overheard it. He shoots me a weird look. "He looks away when you turn around. I've known him since grade school, and he's never been this cheery. He's had rough things happen to him, but you seem to be able to make him laugh whenever you want to." She pauses. "He's always careful with who he associates with, but with you, there was no hesitation. There was no getting to know you first, no finding out who you hang out with or what things you like."

I tilt my head a little, kinda confused. "Won't he be upset about you telling me all this?" I ask. "He trusted you with this, and you're telling me?"

"Oh, please," she scoffs. "I'm helping him out, aren't I?"

I'm not sure that's how it works, but I let it go. "And you know that he likes me?"

She rolls her eyes again. "Well, I don't know, but I have a huge hunch," she says. "I've seen people get heart-eyes before, many times." Her expression darkens. "My mom's gone through, like, thirty girlfriends so far, so it's no mystery I know what infatuation looks like."

I don't know what to say to that, so I say "Wow." It's lame, I know. But it's all I can come up with. The weight of what she's saying hits me in a split second. Is Blaine not as straight as I thought he was? Is it actually possible that I might be able to have what comes so easily to everyone else? I'd always assumed I never deserved what everyone else had, but people like Liza and Aydin and Blaine and mom and Mr. Wellman and Joshua and Griffin have brought light to how disrespectful I'm being to myself. I realize that even though I thought I didn't deserve anything for myself, I have an awesome group of people who are willing to support me and reassure me of my worth.

I can't fully accept that, though.

Yet.

And now I'm learning that what everyone else gets in their lifetime, could be mine. And it scares me a little. Everything will change if I get what I want, more than it's changed already. And I don't know if I can handle any more change.

"Dude," she says, nudging me. "You've gotta talk to him about it."

I move away immediately, raising my hands. "Oh, no," I tell her. "Not a chance. What if you're judging things wrong and then I tell him I like him and then he looks at me like he doesn't know me? I still want to be his friend. I don't want to ruin anything." I pause to take a breath. "There is no way I am going to tell him or talk to him or anything. The idea of it sends shivers up my spine."

"But what if you both like each other but neither of you do anything?"

"Then neither of us do anything, Sadie!" I whisper-yell. My heart is beating really fast and I'm not fully sure why. "It'd be unfortunate, but it's just how it would go."

She stuck her tongue out at me. "I'll go talk to him, then," she harrumphs.

"Sadie," I say. "Please don't. I don't want him to know. I don't want him to hate me."

"Please," Sadie says. "It's the twenty-first century. And I know Blaine has no problem with people being gay, maybe because there's such a large chance that he is." She tilts her head to the side. "Whatever," she says. "Blaine and Yasmin get along really well, and she's a lesbian, so..." she shrugs. "He won't care is what I'm saying. And he'll think you won't know what I'm telling him, so nothing will change. He's a nice guy."