Give Me A Chance (boyxboy)

Sixteen

Tuesday comes way too fast.

And I still haven't texted Blaine back. I even got the 'happy birthday' text this morning and I wasn't even nice enough to say thanks. He probably thinks I hate him at this point.

I would hate me.

In biology class, I can't bring myself to talk to him, because of course I can't. I try replaying Griffin's words in my head, and Aydin's, and pretty much everyone's. But it's not enough. I can feel him looking at me every couple minutes, but I keep my eyes fixed on Horace at the front of the classroom and the notebook in front of me. I think even Horace knows, because he looks at me kinda sadly.

At lunch, Liza and I eat separately from where we usually eat; with the frisbee team. I don't want to have to deal with what I'm putting Blaine through, and I don't want to be around Phillip. I know it wasn't his fault because there's no way he could have known Quinn and I had been best friends, but he still riled Quinn up enough to prompt him to jump me.

But what surprises me the most is that Phillip was saying good things about me. It confuses me. After his comment at tryouts, I thought he would hate me for eternity. I know people can change, but that's pushing it maybe a little too far. Whatever the case, Phillip isn't the best person to be around, but maybe he's getting a little better.

"What are you doing, Lyam?" Liza asks, shocking me back to the present. We're sitting alone at the edge of the cafeteria. There's a group of people blocking my sight of Blaine. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Because I really do want to see him. I want to be brave enough to go up to him and tell him how much I like him, how badly I want to be with him, and how cute he is. And I want to make him smile, and make him laugh, and be there for him.

But I'm a coward.

"What do you mean?"

"There's gotta be a reason we're not sitting with your friends," she says. "If you're worried I don't like them, you're wrong." I shake my head. "Then what is it?" She looks worried and confused at the same time, which don't really seem to complement each other very well.

"I don't think you'd understand," I tell her softly. I let my eyes drop to my lunch, which consists of an apple, a sandwich, and a granola bar. It's all I could think of to bring today. I've been a little out of sorts.

"I've been dealing with your shit for years already," she says forcefully. "Lay it on me. What are your tales of woe, good friend?" She chuckles. I don't laugh along with her.

I take a bite of my sandwich. And I stare at the people blocking me from seeing Blaine.

"I, uh, don't really know what's going on," I say, realizing it's the truth. I don't entirely know what's keeping me from talking to him, and I don't entirely know why he likes me, and I don't entirely know how to navigate this situation. It scares me, the unpredictability of all this. I'm probably overthinking way too much about this, but I can't help it.

"Tell me what you do know," Liza says, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Uh, okay" I say. "I can try." Even as I say it, my brain is thinking of things I can say that would deter her from chasing this conversation.

"Alright, what is it?" she demands.

"You want the short version or the long version?"

"I'll take the summary and then I'll have the revised editor's cut,"

"Smartass," I say to her, bumping her knee with mine. Even that small motion moves something in my chest, and the twinge of pain feels like an old friend at this point.