Don't regret this

10. what would she do if I told her...

We got out of the library and walked towards the bus station. I think it will turn out to be very awkward between us if we stayed together more than those 15 minutes of walk and 5 minutes where I wait for the bus.

I already felt tingling inside me ever since he catched me before falling and now this. This leaning to my ear thing...

And he sounds so sweet.

I was feeling things.

We arrived to the destination. There was no one on the bench, it will be just us... please don't let it be an awkward or weird moment...

We sat next to each other on the empty bench.

When I think about it, I call him 'the masked guy' 'my customer' and so on, but shouldn't I know his name by now ?

"Do you know my name ?" I asked.

"I do."

"...I don't know yours."

"That's right."

"...Won't you tell me ?"

He thought about it for a moment.

"I will tell you if you answer to my question first."

"And what's your question ?"

"How... How... do you know if you like someone ?"

I opened my eyes wide. Was he really asking me ? Me ?

Me ?

I wanted to give him a serious answer.

"It differs with every person I think... You think about them... often. You wish to see them everyday, and when you do, you wish that moment would last forever. You are conscious of their every action, every word."

I never really fell in love. I had a lot of crushes before. But I never fell in love.

He likes someone ? My nameless customer likes someone ? The guy who proposed to read books with me likes someone ? And is asking me what does he feel for that girl ?

He likes someone ?

I shouldn't care. It's not my business at all. So why does it feel bitter... why... am I not happy for him ?

I try to understand why, but there's no why. I just don't like it. It ruined my whole mood. My whole day.

"So... if I approach her..." he said as he leaned towards me. "Would she feel my presence a lot, if she liked me ?"

I physically never blush, but if I could, it would happen right now.

Too close bro, it makes me feel conscious of your presence.

"If I touched her face, would she slap my hand away, if she liked me ?" The back of his hand touched my hair, and then went to my face, to end at my jaw.

"What would she do, if I locked my eyes with hers ? Would she keep the eye contact, or would she look away ?" His eyes were looking in mine like never before. His brown eyes... I couldn't look away.

"If I told her I have a bit of feelings for her... little feelings that started to grow bit by bit everytime I saw her. Feelings that grew when she smiled at me, when she acted herself with me. What would she answer ? Would she say she likes me too ? Would she say she doesn't feel the same way ? Will she say nothing ? Because it's too surprising ?"

He leaned towards my ear. "If I told her I liked what she was wearing, would she wear it more often ?"

His mask was brushing my skin. His cologne was everywhere around me.

"If I told her I wanted to kiss her ever since I saw her with that colleague who flirts with her, ever since she fell on my lap that day... would she believe me ?"

She won't. Because I cannot believe it.

"You can't kiss her if you keep wearing this black mask." I said.

A little laugh came out of his lips.

"Touché."

He leaned a bit more to reach my neck and I felt his mask go under his jaw.

"Close your eyes."

I did as he asked and felt his breathing against me, followed by a little kiss on my neck. Then a second kiss on my jaw. A third on my collar bone. A fourth on my neck again...

Something inside me went on fire.

The middle of my chest felt like it was burning so much that it hurt.

I can't believe what I'm doing... I'm letting this guy kiss my neck when we are outside. If anyone happened to see me like this I would cry on the spot. I hate public affection. I don't like to do it and don't like to see it.

When I heard the sound of the bus approaching us, I moved him away and got up to go in the bus.

He put his mask back on as soon as I moved him away from me.

I feel so fucking embarassed. I can't believe what just happened... I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST DID...

I stepped on the bus and sat on a seat in the back as quickly as I could.

I dont think I will ever be able to face him again.