betwixt - enhypen

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐢𝐱𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧: 𝐚 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲

"hello?" joori had a question on her mind the second she entered the lecture hall, and didn't see a certain familiar face. amongst the sea of people, she only knew the faces of, she looked for someone who was currently making her heart beat faster, from both the cardio and the worries. ignoring the class she was supposed to attend, she ran straight towards jay's dorm, desperate to see his face and be assured that he hadn't left. after all, it wasn't unusual for jay to not come to class, especially on monday mornings.

after a bit of sequential knocking and waiting, someone opened the door. what joori didn't expect was sunghoon, wrapped in a towel with wet hair and no jay in sight. she couldn't help her cheeks from burning up, and sunghoon must have felt the same, slamming the door in her face as he quickly put some clothes on. the image of his half-slicked-back hair and washboard muscles stayed there until he returned.

as he opened the foo for a second time, he allowed joori inside, now with a growing nervous disposition. he couldn't stop staring into space, and joori couldn't meet his eyes due to the tension that quickly surfaced upon meeting him.

despite the out-of-character moment, she did recognise why she was there and was unsure how to go about asking sunghoon about jay, or how she would react if the situation was not in her favour and he had indeed already gone. her stomach was in knots, to the point it made her nauseous.

she excused herself to the bathroom, trying to hold in her nerves and keep her composure until she was behind a locked door and let out a breath. for a second it was alleviated, and then the next it came back.

looking at the sink there were enough products to think two people shared the space, but joori didn't know what was sunghoon's and what, if any, was jay's. was he a million miles away already or had he just popped around the corner?

she walked back towards the front room when she spotted a costume on a coat hanger, one that looked exactly the same as the one on halloween. joori must have been too drunk to remember the voice, but surely it wasn't jay, so was it sunghoon?

whoever it was, she realised, would have been the same person who took care of her when she was drunk, and as glad and thankful as she was for the help, she didn't want to ask about it. she barely knew sunghoon and it would just be weird to talk about the situation. plus, just because it was there didn't mean that sunghoon necessarily wore it, just that it was in his (or jay's) possession.

she heard sunghoon speak to someone on the phone and hang up as she got closer, their voice being a female one it intrigued her, and she caught him saying he loved her, further confirmation that the mystery man was not him.

"i'm back," she announced as she watched sunghoon quickly hide his phone haphazardly in his back pocket, struggling to do it before she could see.

"so, sunghoon." there was ample hesitation and dissonance in her voice. "is jay here? he told me something about.." she trailed off, but sunghoon caught on before she had to explain her vagueness.

"his deal with his dad? yeah, he left a week ago."

she was distraught, promptly bursting into tears at sunghoon's words. he held a solemn look and moved closer to give her a warm hug. leaning her head on his shoulder, she started sniffling before letting herself break down again, forgetting about the person she was little more than a stranger to the person she was using as a human headrest.

she barely got to say a goodbye, and that didn't sit well with joori. she didn't make a big deal out of it when she should have done, because now she was left without him or any proper closure from him that everything would be alright, for the both of them.

he was trying to calm her down, being surprised by how quickly she caved into her emotions, and let her know he was there for her. maybe it sounded like just empty words to fill the void, but sunghoon knew he would at least try to stick to them for now.

"i miss him too." under almost any other circumstances, sunghoon would have kept quiet, yet he knew that joori was the only other person who could relate to him at this time. jay was a relatively closed-off person, and sunghoon was aware of that, living with him.

after a few moments of silence, he became uncomfortable. joori didn't want to speak up yet, so she had been waiting for him to carry on, and despite her body being positioned away from him, she was listening sincerely.

"i took dance with jay."

joori nodded, she knew this already. she realised that they were talking about jay as if he had died when for all they knew he was working around the corner.

"jake was in that class too. he's your ex, right? because jay kept on at him, telling him to stay away from you and threatening him. they weren't proper threats, jay wouldn't do that, but they were enough to scare him."

joori's eyes widened, not sure whether to feel comforted or scared. jake did seem scared when jay was around but joori always accredited that to his aura rather than anything he had explicitly done. that being said, jake hadn't approached her in the past week jay had been gone, and it had already been weeks since he had spoken to her at all.

"in all fairness, i think i would have done the same," sunghoon looked at her with kind eyes. "the guy seems like a dick."

she smiled, a small smile barely distinguishable from her resting face, yet sunghoon noticed it, and carried on berating the guy they had a mutual disliking of.'

"he comes into rehearsals with chains on. big fucking gaudy chains. and he's late at least once a week. and don't get me started on that god-awful black hoodie he never takes off, that thing is like surgically attached to him."

"what hoodie?" joori had a gut feeling it was the one she used to wear, that he bought one night on a date together. then again, black was a pretty common colour, and a pretty common colour to buy hoodies in.

"the black one. i don't know, it had some white writing on it that's coming away. each week he loses a letter or so."

she hummed, still not satisfied that they were talking about the hoodie she used to brandish like a prized trophy. it didn't matter anymore, she noted herself thinking.

sunghoon swiftly changed the subject and distracted her by talking about whatever he thought she would be interested in. they spent a while discussing what music she and he liked, and sunghoon showed her a section from the dance he had been learning, impressing her at the same time.

joori left before it got dark, carrying her backpack around her shoulders as she made the journey to her dorm alone. sunghoon had given her his number, and even though their relationship wasn't very close, she had felt the natural chemistry the two had together.

as joori took off her bag, she saw an envelope, and she opened it, not knowing how long it had been there and why she had just found it. what she didn't expect was the contents, she was embracing herself for another invite to a party or a club since there were so many she had yet to involve herself in. she didn't expect it to be a love letter.

dear joori,

i don't want to tell you who i am, i guess you can just call me your secret admirer. i know there are two guys you've been speaking to but i want to be one too. you might not remember me, but we met once or twice before and you seemed to enjoy my company. for now, i'll be more than content with that since i don't want to push you and i'm not ready yet to come forward.

i hope this letter finds you well because i just want you to be happy and healthy, and i know some people who would try to take that away. i was there on halloween and i know you were looking for jay, but i wished you were looking for me.

congratulations on your new job! i was there when you started, i just happened to be in the same place as you. your co-worker seems nice, and i wouldn't hate it if you two started dating, you know he seems to like you.

i don't have much else to say, i guess i just wanted to write down all the words i cannot say. my voice sometimes betrays me and i like you so much it's embarrassing. i don't expect anything back, and i don't even know if i'll write any more letters after this one.

- y.s.a.