⚠️ SUICIDE , LANGUAGE , SH ⚠️
Barcode POV.
The sound of arguing could be heard from my parents room. I sigh getting up from my bed to shut the door. Once I shut it I put my headphones on and turn them up to full blast.
My parents are always arguing. It's a daily and nightly thing. I'm surprised they haven't got a divorce yet. I'm sure they will soon though.
I wish my family could be normal like everyone else's. Eat dinner together , talk about are day , talk about are feelings. But instead , I have two parents who hate each other , and a sister who lives across country. Which I don't blame my sister for leaving this hell whole. I would have done the same to be honest.
I check the time and realize it's past midnight. Great , no sleep again. And I have filming tomorrow so I'll be tired all day tomorrow.
At least I won't be home to have to hear yelling and arguing. That's what I love about going to the filming studio. And I love hanging out with the others.
Getting the role of porchay isn't all that fun though. In fact , it's quite exhausting. I get hate through at me 24/7. People always says the meanest things. Fans hated when gameplay left and I was the new porchay.
I let out another sigh as it turns 1:05 am. I close my eyes trying to sleep. Darkness surrounds my eyes. I start picturing stuff in my mind trying to sleep. My eyes begin to feel heavy and I start drifting off to sleep.
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The sound of my alarm wakes me from my dream. I rub my eyes still laying in the bed tired. My body lays there not wanting to move. I'm stif as a board. I feel so exhausted , physically and emotionally. Sometimes I wish I could just be a kid again. I hate being a teenager. It really sucks sometimes.
I sigh knowing I have to get up eventually. I groan and shut my alarm off that's been going off for the past 5 minutes. Too bad I can't use it to jump back in time to when everything was good. Where everything was at peace.
The coldness of the floor hits my feet as I walk into the bathroom. A slight shiver goes down my back. It's going to be quite cold today. Which is good , I can't wear short sleeves anyways. I have to hide my cuts on my arm.
I remove my clothes and step inside the warm shower. I wince as the hot water hits my cuts making them burn. I've kinda got used to this feeling anyways. Cutting always helped me with the emotional pain I'm dealing with. It hurt but it felt better than emotional pain.
A lot of people use cutting to cope with emotional pain. It's not healthy , I know that. But i couldn't care a less. And it's not like anyone would care anyways. So it doesn't make a difference.
It kinda like when you fall and Scrape your knee , you want to cry but you have to hold back tears not wanting to cry in front of everyone. You'd be afraid they wouldn't care but instead make in front of you. That's how I always felt and still feel to this day.
The steam rolls off the hot water making the bathroom now warm instead of cold. I've always loved warm baths. I always have the hot water on high. I liked the burning sensation. Sometimes I used lighters to feel it.
Once I'm done in the shower and dressed I leave for the filming studio. I usually walk. It's not like my parents offer anyways. And even if I asked they'd just get mad at me and start yelling. Telling me I'm lazy , or their to busy , or I'm always needing something. But to be honest , I hadn't asked them for anything for years. The only thing I've needed from them , was love. But I never got that.
A smell that same smell as the first day I stepped into the studio. That same fresh smell of bread with a hit of window cleaner. P'pond always loved the windows spotless.
I hear chattering coming from the back as usual. It was always chaotic here. There wasn't a day that went by , where it was quiet. And if there was , then that means something horrible has happened.
