ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴅʀᴀᴛᴛᴇᴅ ʟɪʟᴀ ʜᴏʟᴍᴇꜱ || ᴅʀᴀᴄᴏ ᴍᴀʟꜰᴏʏ x ᴏᴄ || ʏᴇᴀʀꜱ 1-3

return to hogwarts

a/n: finally a semblance of plot divergence. sorry there's not a lot of it in the first year but it comes later don't you worry!!

"Lila! Can I talk to you for a second?"

Harry ambushed me on my way into the common room, looking eager but also apprehensive. I wondered what could be on his mind.

"Sure," I glanced at Hermione who had accompanied me inside. "Here?" I asked.

Harry glanced between myself and the incoming Gryffindors nervously. "Er, later tonight. Just you."

Hermione walked away wordlessly, and I stared after her, worried. This couldn't be what she thought it was, could it? Even so, I'd explain to her later. I would reject Harry over her any day of the week, and I hoped she knew that.

"Sure," I agreed. "After everyone's gone, then?"

"Sure," Harry replied.

Hermione hardly spoke to me for the rest of the evening, seeming very preoccupied with the book I had gotten her for Christmas. We ate dinner in a tense silence. Well, the three of us. Ron seemed perfectly normal, digging in to his turkey leg with great gusto.

"Are you planning on finishing that?" He asked with his mouth full. I shook my head and pushed my plate of untouched peas over. He dug in.

Later that night, Harry and I sat awkwardly on the couch waiting for the other Gryffindors to go to bed. It didn't take long — everyone was tired from traveling. Only Hermione and Ron hung back with us. Ron said something quietly to Harry and patted him on the back before walking away. Hermione reluctantly followed.

Once they had left it was just us, and Harry seemed eager to speak. I braced myself for the worst. What if all of our hard work was undone because I didn't return his feelings? What if Hermione didn't want to speak to me anymore? What if—

"I saw my parents," he said. My thoughts came to a screeching halt.

"Your — how?" I asked.

"In a mirror," Harry explained. "Dumbledore told me it shows what you most desire, and I saw them standing behind me and smiling."

His eyes became distant, as if he were seeing them again, and I could feel my heart give a little pang of sadness.

"How'd you come across this mirror?" I asked, and Harry explained it all: the invisibility cloak (invisibility cloak!) he'd gotten for Christmas, sneaking out alone, then with Ron, and then alone and accidentally finding Dumbledore there.

"You could have gotten into serious trouble," I exhaled. "I'm glad you weren't expelled."

"Well, that's besides the point," Harry shrugged. "Dumbledore said he'd be moving the mirror soon, but I wanted to ask if you'd like me to show you."

I stared. "What? Why?"

"So you can see your mum."

I felt a twist in my chest. I did want to see my mother, but at the same time I thought it might ruin me. All I knew of her were stories from when I was little and still, unmoving pictures. I'd rather spend my life wondering than get a taste and have that be all I could get.

Even then, how could I know seeing my mother would be my deepest desire? I had a feeling that whatever it really was would just disappoint me.

"It's probably best that I don't." I told him, trying to hide my shame. "I — I don't think I could handle just the glimpse of her."

Harry seemed surprised, but he quickly refocused, nodding along. "I understand. That's what Dumbledore told me too. Something about dreaming and forgetting to live."