Never Ever

46| Scream, cry, beg

My first thought is that at least it's not Natalia.

My second is, who the hell is that? I'm already thinking the worst when a shirtless, very damp Jesse appears from behind the gazebo, towel slung low on his hips as his face twists taut with irritation. My eyes flick back to the blonde crouched by the pool, and suddenly, everything makes sense. That's not Noah's next conquest in the tiny Santa dress.

It's Addy.

For a second, I'm disappointed in myself. In my paranoid state, I'd gone and done the one thing I thought I'd never do again, which is convince myself that Noah will inevitably hurt me.

"Good, you're here," Jesse says, forcing Addy to look in my direction. "Maybe you can talk some sense into your boyfriend so I don't have to spend the whole night babysitting his ass."

He walks toward me, dropping the towel on a chair without breaking stride. "He's been in self-destruct mode all week," he says in a low voice, folding his arms as he watches Noah say something to Addy across the pool. "I just about managed to get him to sit his finals between his drunken escapades, but how he scored is anyone's guess." He looks at me now, his eyes softening briefly as he sighs, because even though he's putting on a pissed-off front, he's worried about his best friend. "This is the first time he's been up here since he was taken to the hospital. He'd been avoiding this place all week before I found him up here, drunk out of his mind, saying something about how he needed to push through it for Blue. I have no idea what he was talking about, but I figured if anyone can get through to him, it'll be you."

I swallow hard, a lump rising in my throat before I can stop it. All this time, I thought I was doing the right thing by giving Noah the space he clearly wanted–the same thing I needed after my own accident–but I was wrong. He hasn't been coping. He's been drowning, and I wasn't there to save him.

When he sees me, he flashes that Noah Atterwood grin, but it doesn't last. The pain creeps in, dulling his eyes, softening the edges in a way he can't hide. "Feel like joining me in the hot tub?" He looks around and gestures as if he is, in fact, currently in the hot tub, and not in the deep end of the pool.

I'm busy staring at the empty bottle in his hand, a wave of nausea hitting me as every memory of my accident comes flooding back. Now, here Noah is, repeating the same mistake.

"I've got it from here," I say to Jesse. I don't look at him or Addy. My eyes are locked on Noah, on the way his fingers grip the ledge like it's the only thing keeping him above water. One little distraction, and he could disappear under, just like I did. "You guys go back to the party."

"You sure?" Addy asks. She's already walking over now, her voice soft as she tilts her head to look at me. "We can stay—"

"It's okay." I still don't look away from him. I can't. I'm scared if I do, I'll lose him forever. "You should go."

I hear Jesse sigh. Then Addy moves toward me, her heels clicking softly against the concrete. She reaches out and squeezes my arm, forcing me to finally glance over. Her eyes are glazed and cheeks pink on the apples, but whether it's from the cold or the drinks or both, I don't know.

"We'll be downstairs if you need us," she says, her voice full of concern.

I nod, offering the smallest smile I can manage. "Thanks."

They slip away without another word, and I wait until the elevator doors close before stepping forward. Slowly, I move closer to the edge of the pool, closer to Noah, who stays half-submerged in the water, watching me with such vulnerability that it makes my chest ache.

"I'm sorry I didn't make it to the restaurant, Blue," he says, his voice soft and slurred, eyes flickering with regret. "You've got Jesse to thank for that. But if I could've been there, I would have. I'd never stand you up. You know that, right?"