Never Ever

50| Tell me you missed me

I'd forgotten how chaotic a Calbear party can be.

The second we step into Jesse's apartment, someone barrels past us, nearly knocking me flat as he chases after a girl shrieking with laughter. Addy yells at them to watch it and checks if I'm okay, but I'm already staring into the living room, where four Calbears are shirtless and attempting what can only be described as a half-drunk striptease.

Thankfully, Noah is not one of them.

I smooth the front of my dress, my hands trembling, and try to breathe. For a moment, it's like I'm back at Jesse's yacht party, the night Addy first dragged me into this world, completely out of my depth. But Addy was right. Don't overthink this. 

"Shots! Shots! Shots!" someone yells near the speakers, and the rest of the team chants it back in unison, like they're hyping each other up before a meet. I scan the crowd, my stomach knotting tighter when I don't see him anywhere. Which means he's either not here yet, or he's already waiting on the rooftop. 

Before the nerves can swallow me whole, Jesse cuts through the crowd, laser-focused on Addy. The second he reaches her, his expression softens, and so does hers. He slides an arm around her waist and kisses her like the entire room has disappeared. She melts right into him, and I quickly avert my gaze, pretending the Calbear strip-off is the most fascinating thing in the world. 

When they finally come up for air, Jesse smirks at me. "Your lover boy sent me with a message," he says, jerking his chin toward the door. "Wait thirty minutes, then head to the rooftop. But only if"–his smirk widens–"and he stressed this part repeatedly, you want to."

Addy and I exchange a look, which only earns us another smirk from Jesse. "Believe me," he says, "if this wasn't the first time he's seemed remotely like himself since the diagnosis, I'd be roasting him too." His tone softens as his eyes flick to me. "You want a drink while you wait, Ever?"

I nod, because words are not currently an option, and Jesse presses a kiss to Addy's cheek before vanishing back into the crowd. It's just Noah. It's just Noah. It's just Noah. 

The next thirty minutes are a blur as Addy and I drift through the chaos, catching up with familiar faces. For a while, it almost feels like nothing's changed, even though everything has. Carter waves us over, already squirting lime juice onto his abs, while Riley's beside him, seasoning his own abs with salt. When they're finished, they both look up at us, grinning.

"You ladies feel like a Calbear margarita?" Riley wiggles his eyebrows.

Before either of us can respond, Jesse shoots them a look from several feet away that's sharp enough to kill. Riley instantly throws his hands up in surrender. "The Captain has spoken. No margaritas for you."

The Captain has spoken. Even if no one mentions it, it's not hard to feel the shift in dynamics since Noah stepped down as captain. It's like the elephant in the room, one that no one wants to address, and I can only imagine how Noah must feel. 

"I'm gonna go talk to Jesse," Addy says, squeezing my arm. The grin on her face tells me talk is code for something else. 

"Enjoy your conversation," I tease.

Addy practically skips across the room, whispering something into Jesse's ear that makes his eyes darken. A second later, they disappear into his room with a smile I recognize all too well. I stay behind, swirling my untouched drink, counting down the final three minutes until I can head upstairs. That's when Pax materializes at my side like a grinning golden retriever, already a few drinks past tipsy. After what he told me about his Christmas, I can't help but wonder if he drinks like this out of some kind of coping mechanism.