I Don't Need To Be Saved; Nathan Sykes & Taylor Momsen Fanfiction

11: Air is Thick

The first sound I heard when I woke up was a low murmuring of voices and some quiet guitar chords.  Apparently, I fell asleep on the couch again last night.  I have got to stop doing this.

I was craning my neck to relieve some of the stiffness when some familiar words drifted through.

So you wanna call me the devil's advocate

When you don't know the half of it?

'Cause I was raised to believe in miracles

My life is so cold

“Hey…”  The guys turned to look at me.

“Tay, this is amazing!  We’re already working on a few chords for it.  Listen.”  Jamie played a couple chords, but I was still too groggy to be paying attention.

“Did you guys jack my notepad?”

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that bro.  Nathan and Max swung by and heard some of it, too.  I didn’t think you’d mind, because I thought we could work on this one for the record or something.”

“You drool when you sleep, it’s freaking hilarious.”  Ben let out a snort.

I wasn’t listening, though.  I still couldn’t believe Nathan had heard those lyrics!  I felt naked, like I had been exposed.  My outer shell had been stripped away.  I wasn’t ready for anyone to see those lyrics yet.  They were so raw, so personal.  I needed time to distance myself from the words, make it as if they’d never existed. 

I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me.

Ben whistled at me.  “Tay, wake the fuck up.  Where’s the ghost at?”

Bringing myself to attention, I suddenly thought it necessary for fresh air.  “I’ll… be right back.”

* * * * *

Tripping over the stairs, I made my way out of the bus and into the open.  I shakily ran my fingers through my hair, pulling at it as it caught in the tangles.

Damn, I need to start remembering to brush.

Jamie stuck his head out of the door.  “Yo Tay, wanna bring us some extra strings while you’re out there?”

I answered by rolling my eyes, but head out in search of the gear anyway. 

I tilted my head back and took a deep breathe of my freshly lit cigarette before peering into The Veronica’s bus.  “Anybody here?”  No answer.  “Alright…”

The nicotine rush overpowered any dislike I was harboring for The Wanted boys, so I figured I might do a quick check with them.  Crushing the cigarette under my Doc’s, I bounded up the steps and burst into the bus, almost colliding with Jay.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.”  He grabbed me to make sure I didn’t fall.  “Slow down there, eh.  I know I’m good looking but control your hormones.” I almost, almost, laughed. 

Remembering myself, I forced out the reason for my visit. “You guys have any guitar strings?”

“I’m headin’ out actually, but Sid the Sloth over there might help ya out.”  I didn’t even have time to say anything before he leaped out the door.

I slowed my pace and leaned against a wall when I was a few feet away from Nathan.

“Sid the Sloth, eh?”

He smiled at me.  “We look quite similar, don’t we?”

I smiled back and cocked an eyebrow.  “I can see it.”

I noticed he had a giant, three foot tall card beside him, filled with large block letters.  “Writing a love letter?”  I plopped down on the couch and threw my feet up.

His grin went lopsided.  “Oh, this?  No, no.  It’s my sister’s birthday in a couple days.” He paused and sighed.  “I think I’m getting a hand cramp.”

“Looks like you’re writing out a novel for her.  Hope you’re getting her a Porsche, too.”

“No, she’d wreck it.  Got her a Jeep instead.”

“Damn, I could’ve used a brother like you when I was growing up.”

I watched him in silence and he finished up writing the card to his sister.  I tried to be civil to him.  I felt a rare sense of guilt for the way I had treated him.  It was another pressure weighing down on my shoulders.

He broke the silence first.  “That song you wrote…”

“Yeah?”  I felt everything in my body tense up.

“It was really eye-opening.  I never knew you felt that way.”

“It was nothing.”  I snapped at him, unsure of how else to deal with the extreme discomfort I was feeling.

“If you need someone to talk –“

“Fuck you, buddy.  You don’t know me okay.”  Forgetting my original reason for coming, I stormed out, feeling the rage building in me.  How dare he speak to me like that?  Someone who is so grossly inconsiderate of others, offering me help?  Please!  I’d rather put out a fire with my tongue.

As my hands shook desperately trying to pull out another cigarette, I felt someone touch my arm, and I recoiled.

“I’m sorry, okay.  You say it doesn’t mean anything, so it doesn’t mean anything.”

I glanced at him, and felt myself softening.  I was fighting to keep an unimpressed look on my face.

“Looks like you’re all out of smokes.”

“Looks like it.”

“I got to get something from the corner store, I’ll walk with you.”

Unsure of how I should go about rejecting him, I ended up having to endure his presence for the ½ mile to and from the store until I could get back to my bus and wallow in self-loathing.