Rowans Choice

Chapter Twenty Eight- A successful attempt?!

Andy's chambers had gone quiet an hour ago. I had been reading a book of poetry, well skimming it really, and drumming my fingers on its spine impatiently as the clock ticked painfully slow toward midnight.

I lay back on the bed, feet crossed, peeking over the book at the clock, trying to remind myself that although patience wasn't my strong suit... I could do it...

I couldn't do it.

"Eleven thirty is Midnights close friend... I'm sure it's fine. Early is better than late. Right" I whisper to myself like a Moron as I throw my covers off and head for the door, dragging my robe with me.

I close my door behind me and wrap my robe around my waist.

Jay, my guard, had his head back against the wall, snoring.

"I see I'm quite safe after dark" I mutter sarcastically as I tip toe across the hall to Andy's room.

I open the door quietly, pulling it to a close in the same manner.

Andy's room is lit dimly by candles beside her bed. She is curled up in the blankets and looking up to the ceiling. As I crept closer I saw the tear tracks down her cheeks in the flicker of the candle light.

"Who died" I joke to lighten the mood, as I crawl onto the bed beside her.

She reaches for me and pulls me against herself. I know better than to reject physical contact that she initiated herself without force.

I lie down under her arm and lay my head on her chest, placing my palm beneath her heart.

"What's wrong" I ask a little more carefully.

She sniffles "I messed up" she whispers.

"What did you do" I ask against her chest.

The silence that followed was curious... and I could hear the candle flickering and crackling beside us. She moved a little beneath me, adjusting herself a little and wiping the tears from her cheek.

"Nobody can mess up so badly that it cannot be fixed Andromeda" I remind her.

Her hand runs down the back of my shoulder, smoothing motions that made my skin prick with goosebumps.

"You're gonna hate me... and now that I don't hate you... I can't have you feel that way about me Ro. I need you in my life... I want you in my life. I can't have you hate me" she cries. Her chest constricts and vibrates as her tears come thicker, the emotion catching in her throat.

I sit up, looking down to her red and swollen eyes, her face wet and glistening "Andy" I whisper. I reach out and wipe the tears away with the pad of my thumb " I could never hate you.... Don't you know that by now. I love you"

"You told me you didn't want me anymore... you told me that you didn't care if you ever touched me again after our wedding night". She sobbed.

I feel an ache in my chest to know that my words did indeed hit her when I took aim a week or so previously. I had wanted it then, to have her feel a tiny slither of what I had felt so long, but now she was wounded and haemorrhaging it ....I couldn't have moved faster to press my weight to it... to have the flow of pain stop.

I reach for her and bring her into my arms, my robe falling away from my shoulders, her tears running down my shoulder blade as she placed her cheek against my flesh and let me hold her.

"I didn't mean a word of it" I promise. "Not one word"

She nods against me.

"Whatever you did Andy... it won't change that. I won't send you away I promise you it. You have my word. I won't ever stop loving you. Please, tell me"