Other half -The fallout

Acting on Impulse

Mia Pov.

"She's way better than you Mia"
"We didn't wanna say anything on your first day back but you really gotta step up your game"
"Did you practice dance at all while you were gone?"
The words of my fellow dance mates echoed through my head as I unlocked the door to my house. I thought I was doing good but their words proved me otherwise. Did this mean they thought I did terrible on my first day back but they didn't say anything?
Tears stung my eyes as I poured myself a glass of wine. They didn't even try to understand what I had gone through. Or that I was gone a whole month. I downed a whole glass of wine quickly and I moved onto another one. "Am I really that terrible at dancing ?" I said to myself quietly.
I did practice while I was gone, maybe not enough but I tried. If I wasn't good at dance, what am I good at? If I'm not good at dancing I'm nothing. Dancing is the only thing that brings me purpose in this life. Dancing is the only thing people know me for.
Tears were pouring out of my eyes now. At this point, I needed Vada. I knew she had school the next day but I needed her.
I shot her a text saying,
"Come back over?"
I saw she had read the text. I was biting my nails hoping for a good reply when she said,
"I can't. I'm sorry I need to go home, my mom said so. I also have school. Can we call after dinner?"
I sharply inhaled as my fingers shook a reply.
"Oh okay."
I threw my phone onto the couch. I held my head and tried to wipe my endless tears but I couldn't calm myself.
Terrible thoughts kept invading my head.
"You're nothing without talent Mia"
"Vada is lying she doesn't love you"
"Stop being so dramatic"
"No one truly loves you everyone knows how fake you are"
"Vada hates you"
These thoughts cut me up more than I wanted to cut my own wrists.
My feet impulsively carried me to my bathroom, where my razor was. I held it to my left wrist. I had never cut before but right now just felt right. Maybe it'll help me?
I quickly slashed the razor across my wrist exposing red blood. I groaned with the sudden pain but I felt comfort In it. No matter how loud the voice In the back of my head telling me to stop was, I wouldn't stop.
I cut another long streak next to the first one. A drop of blood fell from my wrist and onto the floor, a second drop followed. The more I bled, the more comfort I felt. The floor was being painted red with my blood when I looked up into the mirror.
"What am I doing?" I thought.
I stared at my 2 long cuts on my wrist and I felt fear instead of comfort now.
"What would Vada think?"
"What would you tell your friends at dance when they saw?"
"There's no way to hide them"
Thoughts spun fast in my head. I quickly grabbed the gauze Vada had used on my feet and I wrapped my wrist carelessly. I took a long sharp inhale as I started to clean the bathroom floor. I felt so ashamed as I did this. I couldn't believe I just cut myself.
I finished cleaning the floor and I went into the living room to grab my phone when I saw frantic texts from Vada.
"Mia I'm sorry"
"We can hangout after school tomorrow"
"Please don't be mad"
"Mia are you okay?"
Tears fought through my eyes once again. I can't believe I made her worry.
"I'm not mad, I'm sorry I just went to shower. And yes we can hangout tomorrow. And if you want we can call. I'm sorry for making you worry."
I typed so quickly autocorrect really had my back for half the words I messed up. She read the text almost immediately and asked to call in 5 minutes. I really wasn't sure if I would be able to hide how terrible I was feeling while we were calling but I needed to hear her voice.
I agreed to call with slight hesitation.
I stared at my wrists once more as I said shamefully to myself,
"This is what happens when you act on impulse Mia."