First Love | James Hetfield

Drunken Mistakes

1983

Annie gasped and shot up in her spot on the couch, startled awake by her own thoughts. The house was dark and silent besides her heavy breathing as she bolted up the stairs, opening Bea's door.

"Bea?" She whispered, trying to see through the darkness of the room.

"Hm?" Bea hummed.

"Oh, thank god you're awake." Annie said, entering the room and sitting on her bed. "I kinda wasn't, but what's up?" She asked, leaning over to turn on her lamp.

"Look, uh..." she swallowed thickly. "At the party earlier..."

"Yeah?" Bea's voice was soft as she noticed the nervousness in Annie's voice.

"James kissed me." She blurted, smacking her hand over her mouth. She couldn't even believe her own words.

Beatrice's eyes widened after a moment of realization. "What?" She sat upright, brushing her bed-head out of her face.

"We were out in the backyard and he started asking me these random questions like if I trusted him and if I cared about him then he just kissed me." She explained.

"Oh... um..." Beatrice thought to choose her words carefully. "Do you know... why?"

"No." Annie shook her head. "We were both drunk and high and it sort of just happened. He initiated it and I.. well- I reciprocated... but-"

"Wait what?" Beatrice widened her eyes. "You kissed him back?!" She fought the threatening grin that tugged on the corners of her lips.

"Kinda..." Annie mumbled, looking down at her lap.

Beatrice scooted closer. "Look, clearly you're confused about it, and I'm not gonna push you to explain yourself... even though I really want you to tell me all the details, I won't push you. Just try to get some sleep and maybe we can talk about it more in the morning if you feel like it."

"Okay." She sighed, getting up and leaving the room. She went to the kitchen to get a drink of water and glanced at the time on the oven. 4:26 am.

"Jesus..."

After that, she took a shower and tried going back to sleep in her own bed, to no avail. She tossed and turned for a few hours until the sun came up until finally giving up on any chance of sleep. Aurora and Beatrice woke up just after 8 a.m, and Rory was in a rush to get to work.

"I think I'm gonna start looking for a job." Annie said, sipping on her coffee. Now that things between her and James would be weird again, she needed something to keep her busy.

"Yeah?" Beatrice smiled. "I think that'd be good for you."

Annie nodded. "I just don't know where. Probably somewhere lame like a gas station or a shitty diner or something." She shrugged.

"Shitty diners aren't all that bad. Shitty just means less customers which means less work." Aurora joined in as she entered the kitchen.

"Which probably also means less pay." Beatrice added.

"I don't know. I just need something to keep me busy, and a little money so I can start pulling my weight around here." Annie sighed, rubbing her eyes with the ball of her palms.

"Pfftt, what weight? You take like... two minute showers and I barely see you eating the food here unless it's something you brought home." Aurora chuckled while tying her shoes.

"Still. I want to be more independent." She responded.

Bea frowned. "That doesn't mean you plan on leaving us soon, does it?"

Annie laughed at that. "No, probably not. I don't have the money to live alone."

"You know, you could always just run away to the Bahamas and live at my parents' vacation house there." Bea half-joked.

"Right." Annie chuckled dryly.

"No, seriously. They have like housekeepers and stuff there that keep the place nice, and we could hire a-"

"No." Annie cut her off. "Thank you, but no."

"Alright, I'm taking off. I'll see you guys later." Aurora said, grabbing her keys off the counter. "Have a good day." Bea smiled.

Annie said goodbye to her and it was quiet until Aurora shut the front door behind her.

"So..?" Bea raised her eyebrows, eyeing Annie.

Annie let out a breath she wasn't aware she was holding. "I don't know. I don't know." She repeated, shaking her head. "I'm just gonna avoid him as best as possible. I mean, I don't even know how he feels about it. I don't know if he regrets it... or if he even remembers it..."

"Do you regret it?" Bea asked softly.

Annie stayed quiet while she pondered on it for a minute. Did she regret it? She was more so confused about the whole thing rather then regretful. She never actually looked at James like that. Of course a few times the thought would cross her mind, but she never expected him to feel the same way. Which brought her to another point, did he feel that way? Or was it merely a drunken mistake?

No. She shook her head. No, he didn't feel that way. There was no way in hell he felt that way about her.

"Earth to Annie?" Beatrice waved a hand in her face. "Huh?" She snapped out of her thoughts. "Do you regret it?" Bea repeated. Of course Annie heard her question, but she was hoping Bea would just forget about it and move on.

"Yes. I regret it." She said firmly. But she wasn't so sure herself if she regretted it or not. "Why?" Bea frowned.

She bit the inside of her cheek as she looked at the wall to avoid eye contact. "Because. It was a mistake. We were both drunk and high. She shrugged. "Matter of fact, I didn't even feel anything during the kiss."

Now that right there... was a lie. The feeling of his lips on hers was like ice on a flame. It was like the ground under them melted away and they were floating in a black void of nothingness. It was just them for a moment, but then she fell back into earth and reality hit her like a freight train.

"Okay," Beatrice sighed. "Whatever you say." She shrugged, leaving the kitchen.

Annie furrowed her brows and followed her into the living room. "What's that supposed to mean?" She scoffed.

Bea placed her coffee cup on the side table and turned to face her. "I just think you're not telling me the full thing." She shrugged.

"You think I'm lying?" She scoffed with raised eyebrows. "Not necessarily. I think you're... in denial about your feelings." Bea said.

Annie laughed. "Oh, please Beatrice, enlighten me on my own feelings."

Beatrice sighed heavily as she observed her friend. She had faint purple circles under her eyes and she was moving slow, how snappy she was, and how easily she'd detach from the conversation. She sat down on the couch and thought before speaking up again.

"I don't know. I've just seen the way you two look at each other sometimes and how close you two can be."

"We almost died together... I'm sure that brings people closer."

"You can't always use the wreck as an excuse, Anneliese." The way she lectured her like a mother only infuriated her even more.

"Alright, then so what? We got over our stupid feud and made friends, isn't that what you wanted?" Annie let out an exasperated sigh, throwing her arms up in the air.

"Yeah, but now it looks like you're a little more than friends." Beatrice muttered into her cup.

"Fuck this. I need a job, I'll see you later." She said as she brushed past the couch, grabbing her shoes and opening the door.

"How ya gonna get there? You don't have a car, and it seems to me James' taxi services are no longer required!" Beatrice shouted just before she slammed the door.

Annie grumbled as she stomped down the driveway, silently cursing the morning sun for blinding her as she walked downtown.

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