First Love | James Hetfield

Vanished

1983

"I feel horrible." Bea said as she popped a grape in her mouth. "I know, me too." Kirk said sadly, playing with the threads on his ripped jeans.

"I mean.. we just got here. Like just got here.. it couldn't have been the third night or the last night, it had to be the first one." Aurora said from the other side of the room. She sat on a chair in the dining room while Bea and Kirk sat atop the large kitchen island.

"The fucks that supposed to mean?" Bea furrowed her brows, looking Aurora up and down.

"I didn't mean it like that, Bea- you know I didn't." Aurora replied quickly. "Then what did you mean?" She asked.

When Aurora didn't respond, Kirk spoke up again. "It shouldn't have happened at all." He shook his head.

"You think we should go talk to her?" Beatrice asked after a moment.

Kirk stayed quiet as he thought about it for a moment. "Yeah, maybe." He shrugged, sliding off the counter.

~

"Go away." Annie mumbled when she heard a knock on her door. "Can we come in?" A voice asked.

We?

"Who is it?" She asked, pulling her head out from under the covers.

"Kirk and Beatrice." Kirk said.

"Fine." She said, sitting up in the large king bed.

Her two friends came in and looked at her with overly sympathetic eyes. She wanted to vomit.

"How're you doing?" Kirk asked, sitting next to her on the bed and placing a hand on her lower leg. She flinched and pulled her leg away at the touch of his calloused fingers on her bare leg. "Sorry." He mumbled, scooting back to give her some space.

"No, it's okay." She said, trying to smile at him. It only came out as a grimace. She didn't want to be a bitch, but the touch of another man's hands on her skin triggered her, even though she knew Kirk's was purely innocent.

She pulled her legs up to her chest and rested her chin between her knees. "I'm doing better, I guess." She shrugged, only she wasn't doing better. It was about eleven in the morning and she hadn't even been to sleep yet. Every time she'd close her eyes, all she could see was the piercing glare of her assaulter.

Kirk saw right through her. He shook his head and sighed heavily. "I'm so sorry, Annie."

"It's not your fault." She smiled softly at him before looking over at Bea. Her heart split into two at the look on her face. She tilted her head, gesturing for her to come closer.

Beatrice immediately broke out into tears as she engulfed her friend in a hug. "I'm so sorry, honey. I'm so so sorry." She mumbled into her shoulder.

Annie didn't respond as she also began sobbing into Bea's shirt. Kirk looked at the ceiling to prevent any threatening tears from spilling out. After a few minutes of the girls still crying, he took it as his cue to give them their privacy and see if Lars and Cliff had any good news.

"Any luck?" He asked as he appeared in the doorway of Cliff's room. "Nah, man." He shook his head, exhaling the smoke from his joint.

"Where the hell could he have gone?" Lars asked, leaning back in the office chair that sat in front of a desk in the corner of the room.

"No idea." Cliff said curtly. "What about you?" He asked. "Any luck with Annie?"

Kirks expression softened a little as he shook his head no.

"Damn." Cliff mumbled, flopping his back onto the bed. "It fuckin' sucks." He shook his head. "What that guy did to her."

"And I thought California had all the sick fucks." Lars chuckled, but clearly snapped his mouth shut and cleared his throat at the deadpan on their faces. "I mean yeah, it was wrong." He nodded, averting his gaze to the ground. He was crawling out of his skin at the giant elephant roaming around the enormous vacation home.

~

"It was not your fault, okay?" Bea looked into her eyes. Annie never actually told her what her father used to do to her, but she just knew. She always.. knew.

"What he did to you was sick. It was wrong." She said. Annie just looked at her with puffy eyes from all the crying. "But don't blame yourself."

Annie just nodded.

"I think I'm gonna try and get some sleep." She sighed. Talking with Beatrice offered her a bit of closure, so she thought now maybe she could shut off her brain for a little.

"'Kay." Bea nodded, leaving the room and shutting the door quietly.

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