Just A Thought

16

We stay in each other's arms until someone opens bathroom door.

Zach quickly stands up and drops a hoodie over my arms.

My brother.

"Zach? Valeri, what are you doing here?" Alex kneels infront of me and makes sure I'm okay. "What happened?"

"I just don't feel good. I drank too much." I explain.

He puts arms around me and leans his chin on my head. "I couldn't find you anywhere. I was worried sick." Alex caresses my hair.

"I'm better now." I mutter.

He stands up beside Zach and I pull the sweatshirt over my head. I make sure Alex can't see what I do to myself. He won't want me if he finds out.

I stand up on shaky legs and black dots take my vision away again. I can't see anything for a few seconds but I can feel someone holding me up. I feel their touch on my waist and my arm, how careful they are with my body and scars.

I blink and black dots swim away and leave me with a light of Zach's bathroom. He and Alex are standing infront of me with worry written all over their faces.

"Are you okay, gorgeous?" Zach asks me.

Am I?

I nod.

He leads me out of the bathroom with Alex following after us. Zach carefully helps me in his bed and covers me with a blanket.

"You can sleep here." He reassuringly smiles at me.

My brother kisses my forehead and looks at me.

"You don't have to. I'll be okay." I weakly smile.

"Okay. Love you, sis." He whispers and leaves the room.

It's just me and Zach now and there's no way I can look at him.

He saw them. He doesn't want you here. He's disgusted by you.

I close my eyes.

I feel Zachary sit down on the other side of his bed.

"I understand if you don't want to be my friend anymore." My voice is shaking. In my head I beg him to not look at me differently.

"What?" I can hear shock in his voice. He gets closer to me but I keep my eyes closed.

After I don't say anything he hugs me.

He hugs me?

Zach's arms are embracing my shoulders and his chin is rested on my head as he slowly kisses my hair.

I don't understand.

"What do you not understand?" He whispers.

I said that out loud?

"Hmm?" He kisses my head again. "I care about you. So much."

"You do? You don't care about... " I trail off. I don't want to say it.

"No, I don't. I really really like being around you. The fact that you're having a hard time and you harm yourself won't change that, okay?" He takes my hand and interlocks our fingers.

I stare at our locked hands.

He doesn't care about that?

"What about Alex? I- I can't tell him. Never. What if he sees me differently and he won't care about me anymore?" I look up at Zach and he looks stunned.

"You don't seriously think that, do you?"

I shrug with my shoulders.

"Your brother loves you and nothing could ever change that. Believe me when I tell you that he would willingly die if that meant making you happy."