Merlin's Curse

CHAPTER 1: Operation Manhood

Journal Entry #1

Who names their kid Merlin? My mom says a name doesn't define you, but how many Merlins do you know? Yeah, that's what I thought. Zero. Because everyone knows Merlin was the Great Wizard—A.K.A. the greatest nerd the world has ever known.

You know I'm right.

Think about all those books he had to read and spells to memorize. And don't forget that he lived at a time when kids didn't go to school. So basically, Merlin never would have survived without magic.

Trust me. I know.

My parents bamboozled me big time. See, I even use dumb words like bamboozle. And I'm only eleven—a freak, an aberration, an irregularity. I'm like a wormhole in space that goes nowhere. I'm Merlin, the greatest nerd the world doesn't know. Because I have nothing.

No magic.

No spells.

No friends.

Nothing except for my big ears, abnormal height, and forked tongue. Ok, it's not really forked. That's just what Mom says because it's always getting me into trouble. Like when I told our neighbor she'd probably always be fat because 97% of dieters gain everything back within three years. That was two years ago. Yup, she's still fat. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's just statistics. But the truth is, she's cursed like me. I mean what chance does she have with a name like Huffing-TON.

Have you ever wondered why all the cool kids have the best names? You know it's true. I've always wanted to be a Luke. Now that's a cool name. How can you go wrong with the hero of STAR WARS? No one thinks that way about the name Merlin regardless of how many movies there are about the wizard. I'll tell you why. Luke is a strong, solid name—Luuuuuuke—no matter how you say it. Luke doesn't need magic to be cool.

Now say, Merlin...Merrrrrlin.

Stop laughing.

I mean it.

See, I'm cursed. I'm all parts nerd and zero parts magic.

Luke means the bright one, which is ironic because the only Luke I've known for as long as I can remember is the dumbest kid I've ever known—the dumbest coolest kid. He lives a couple blocks away from me, but I might as well be living in the village outside the castle walls. His dad owns BrainTech, a startup that's worth a jillion dollars—ok, more like 8.6 billion, but seriously, it's not like the point six matters. Luke will probably buy an island someday. Did I mention he's an only child? Yeah, that's the only thing we have in common.

If you think your life is hard, try growing up in The Mystic Mermaid Bed & Breakfast. Check that. Try growing up in The Mystic Mermaid Bed & Breakfast and having the name Merlin. Did you know my name means sea fortress? That might be cool if mermaids didn't run my life. Yup. My existence is one big irony.

And the teasing is endless.

Once word got out about "Merlin and his mermaids" at school, I had no chance. "Look, it's Merboy Merlin from the Mystic Mermaid!" Such a cruel way to learn about alliteration. Especially when delivered with a pinched nose. In the second grade, half the neighborhood kids followed me home from school chanting:

Merlin and Mermaid

Swimming in the sea

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

First comes love,

Then comes marriage,

Then comes Merboy