Ripped Pages from A Bookshelf

Golden Retriever Boy

As October passed, days bled into weeks. Everything felt strange and out of order. I mean what was going on? What had I said yes to? I mean was this the right thing to do? I mean sure, he had a nice smile and had truly changed but what? What on earth was I doing? Within a few days, the common term "I love you" was passed around. This word was so normal to me and yet I was hearing it come out of a stranger's lips. I wanted to say it back, believe me but I felt sick sometimes doing so. For some reason, no matter how strange it was, deep down it just felt right and I knew it would be in time. So yes, I said I love you but it made me feel sick lying to him. It's not that I didn't like him or anything, it's just that I was lying right to his face. I didn't love this boy. I was incapable of loving this boy because at the end of the day he was just another stranger beginning to gain meaning in my life.

November hit me with a deeper meaning. This stranger was no longer a stranger in my life and I finally began to stop questioning if it was all a good idea. I mean sure, we weren't the closest but I had now found someone I can rest my head on when my neck gets tired. I'm only joking he's smaller than me so I'd get a kink in my neck! But on a serious note, I found someone that I could talk to if needed. Much like a friend, but with a deeper meaning. I was beginning to understand what life I had chosen.

I think that our first winter will forever hold a special place in my heart. For this month, I'm going to talk about a specific memory that means more than the world to me. It was the weekend I was at my friend's house, having a sleepover when we played on the Xbox until the late hours of the evening. It was so warm and fun, I don't think I ever actually got my breath back from all that laughing. And then the next morning, oh the next morning was beautiful. How a thin layer of snow laced the ground and we face timed yet again. Your face that morning was by far one of my favorites and believe me, I was not staring. Only admiring.

Then January came. January was a hard thing for me to swallow. I wasn't in the best place at the time and I was just exhausted all the time. I really didn't want to do anything and every time I could manage to bring myself to do something, stress left a gaping hole inside of me. I wasn't very okay but you made me okay. You made it somewhat standable and for that, I am eternally grateful. So thank you, thank you very much.

So here we are, February. The month of love I guess you could say? To be honest with you, it's just another month for me. All I'm really going to say is thank you. You are my purity, you are my love, and you are my sunshine. Never take away my purity and never let the sun go behind the clouds. So thank you, golden retriever boy.