The yesterdays that were mine

the Ghost Behind the Dragon pt. 1

2 years later

The incessant ring of cicadas pierced through the hot afternoon air. Nana wiped a hand over her forehead, feeling the dampness cool her hand slightly. She walked behind Manjiro and Draken, who talked loudly amongst themselves. The thick, heavy weight of her jacket only made the sun feel hotter. She silently peeled it off her, and the absence of the material cooled her instantly. She hung it over her arm, hoping to god the two boys in front of her don't suddenly turn around.

Nana had learned to watch the world in their shadow. She had mastered the art of being in the backdrop, the ghost on the wall. Her relationship with Tokyo Manji had welded over time, but she was still the errand girl, and after Baji had made his resurgence, there was still one place to fill in the restaurant booths. That one...person that was still gone.

She tries not to think about it, about him. She feels such complexity with it, that sometimes it makes her angry. Because she shouldn't care. But Nana Komore always cared, even when she didn't want to. She remembers certain things so clearly, kind of like the smell of that one aunt's perfume when you hugged her at family gatherings. There's this thing, that's always there, looming over your head. That's what Hanemiya Kazutora was to Nana - just this out of focus slideshow of memories that focuses sometimes, depicting him in her mind clear as the moment it happened.

"What's your mother like, Nana?" He asked her.

She didn't know how to answer. She never really had to answer a question like that, maybe because she never had anyone know her enough to know that it was a question to ask. She looks across to him, then down to her feet that hung like puppet strings over the ledge of an abandoned factory outlet in the red light district.  Kazutora and Nana had found themselves there after a meeting, just as the sun was blinking out of the horizon. The air was warm around them, and he stared at her for her answer.

"She's a teacher..." She began. Looking over to him and he shook his head.

"Nah. What's she like to you? The side the world doesn't see" he said, and Nana was silent again.

"If I told you, then I'd be letting it all out. If I told you, it wouldn't be mine anymore" She replied, smiling at her own rebuttal.

"You can let it out to me, Nana. and after i'll tell you my side the world doesn't see"

"Well she is a teacher- and before you say anything, it's important to mention that. She drinks a lot. It's always been that way, honestly. I believe she is a good teacher...But it's...hard...to see her be so loving to her students, you know? For so long I asked myself why I was never able to have that side of her. Like...why did they get to experience her that way- when I...when I didn't? Like that act she held up wasn't worth enough to keep on for me." Nana takes a deep breath in, allowing herself to overflow into Kazutora who never took his eyes off her.

"But I could handle it when I had Yuichi. He was like my lighthouse, you know? And I knew...that even if I had no one...I had Yuichi; And that was enough. So when he left, it...it felt like I had lost a limb. Because in lots of ways he kept me alive. And then I didn't have that. But I learned how to survive, how to keep myself alive. But it...it got worse...after he left. My mother- she got angrier, and it wasn't like before where she would just lie down and cry, or scream about herself. It's...hard to go to bed bleeding from someone, then wake up to them the next morning and have to kiss them goodbye."

Nana looked over to Kazutora, whose face had changed, his eyes deepening into hers, like he was staring right at the memory she was speaking of, watching it happen for himself.