The yesterdays that were mine

What We See Between Bones

Mikey and Draken took Nana to Mikey's house that night. They didn't speak, they didn't have to. They could feel Nana shivering under their hands and also noticed how awful she smelled. Draken held Nana close to himself as Mikey tried to run a bath for her, very unsure of where a plug might be located in the small bathroom he shared with his grandfather - whom of which was out somewhere presumably playing poker around a crowded table.

Both of the boys were unsure of how exactly to deal with Nana, as they never had been comforted enough themselves to know what to do - but neither had Nana, and she held onto Draken so tight he felt her nails dig into his back. His notably larger hand found her back,  and rubbed circles there.

"C'mon, let's go fix you up" Draken said when he saw Manjiro peek out from the bathroom door and indicate the bath was ready. They could have put her in the shower, but she, at that point, could hardly hold herself upright. Draken led her in there, and when it came to a point where he was going to break away from her, she held on tighter. He looked at Manjiro for help and he then stepped forward.

"We're just gonna help you out of these first," Manjiro softened his voice to a puddle and kneeled down to take off Nana's shoes. That act alone solidified the fact that Nana was not only some lesser-than member of Toman. Her socks then came off, then her jacket.

There was a muffled noise, and both boys piqued up. Nana was looking off to the sink, her cheek pressed to Drakens chest.

"You don't have to do this," She said. Nana had never faced her wounds with another person, that was something she always did herself. She had calmed down almost entirely now, just that spot in the middle was fuzzy.

"I'm not a baby" she wanted to push Draken away, to fight her battles on her own like she had all this time  ...but she couldn't.

"You can hardly stand," Draken said. "You don't gotta deal with everything alone." She felt every word in her soul. "Rest, Nana, it's okay"

Nana relaxed into them, a feeling she had only ever felt with Yuichi when they were young. She loved them, and all of Toman so deeply sometimes it felt like she was reaching across the entire sky for them. That moment, she knew that they had been reaching too. Like light through fog, the unlucky one was held up on her shivering legs.

"I don't," she swallowed, and looked at the bath, then over to Mikey. She had stood up, her hands still linked onto Drakens' forearms. Nana felt her emotions welling up like spring water, into her hands, into her chest.

Nana had long known how to lick her own wounds better, how to heave and bleed and be in silence. There was an air of obligation to it, because if Nana wasn't going to patch herself up, who else would dare to? Who would cross the bounds, push the limit. For so long, it was only her, her and herself to glue her fallen pieces back on, so how could she let someone else do it for her?

How would they know what pieces go where? How could they know how long to hold her together for the glue to harden? She couldn't possibly expect someone to want to do that for her.

But they were...they were standing there, holding her, keeping her from folding into herself. Why would they do that? Why would they willingly participate in this demolition-reconstruction? This idea was so foreign to Nana, and she had her reservations, but they were lessened because she, for some unknown reason, felt this inexplicable sense of comfort.

Draken was right, she didn't have to do it alone this time. That night, the night that tore her apart, she wouldn't heal her sorrows alone. Nana all her life had felt alone, and there is something about growing into that; and it's that you learn how to live without things, how to go on without getting hugged or bathed or tucked in at night. Perhaps all three of them that night learned how to love. How to open up someone and look for the spaces between bones and place warmth there. Her hands hurt from holding herself above water for so long so Nana let go, and she let them catch her.