The yesterdays that were mine

From Behind these Pillars that Made Me pt. 2

There are two simple truths about Nana Komore. The first one being that she liked to abide by things. By rules, or signs on the street, even the incredible fluctuation of grammar. She liked knowing that in some ways she was doing something right, that she'd always have the soft fall of pedestrian crossings, or commas, or the simple rule of the human form to breathe in before you breathe out. The list of her mortal rules extended to Tokyo Manji.

Nana was told that she had to follow every order and request given to her from any pillar member of Tokyo Manji. So when Keisuke Baji appeared before her in the break between fifth and sixth period, his hair loosely tangled around his face that had faced maturity and forged itself into an iron point, she knew that whatever order he chose to bark out at her would be a rule she had to follow, regardless of his recent outburst.

But time hadn't only impressioned itself on Baji. Nana had grown a comfort around them, enough to have enough of a backbone to ask questions that needed answers.

"Where have you been?" Nana asked him, and he couldn't have seemed less eager about her question.

"I've been busy doin' shit. It's none of your business anyway" He replied, staring down at her. It was a different kind of stare. After time Nana had learned how to read their faces, their eyes. They said a whole lot more than what their words did.

"You know Manjiro will just ask you tonight, you do know that, don't you?" She pressed, knowing that when he gets angry enough, he spills.

"I'm not going tonight. You were there, you heard what I said. I meant it, Nana" He stepped closer to Nana once he realised the volume of his voice, and harshness of his words were causing a growing number of stares.

"I don't believe you. Not after everything you've been through with Manjiro - not even just with Manjiro, but with everyone in Tokyo Manji." Nana stares at him, reading him. He shuffled and clamped his mouth shut, as if he was trying to keep from giving himself away.

"I have to do something, Nana...but I need you to know that it's not real. I'm not a monster, and I don't want to turn into one." Baji said, closing in on her, his shoulder slumping down. Nana shook her head in confusion.

"What do you mean? What's not real?"

"I can't explain it now...I might never be able to but I just...I just need you to know that it was never real. I did it for us. For everyone, okay? Don't tell anyone what I said, not until the day I die" Baji said, his words falling from him faster than she had ever heard it.

Nana looked at him. Through her confusion she could see that he was breaking, that maybe he was falling apart the same way she was. Nana wanted him to know that he had someone to save him. Baji wouldn't feel the same way she did on that train station platform years ago.

Nana reached up and hugged him, and she hoped that it could make him understand. She felt the warmth of his arms reach her, and wrap around her body. Their closeness was brief, but there was heart in it.

Nana could piece together the fragments of truth that were strung through his words. The truth is that he was still loyal, that he still loved Manjiro, and all of Tokyo Manji. Even Nana herself.

"I'm sorry about what I have to do. After everything is over, please tell them that. That i'm sorry" Baji said, his tone lining a desperate plea. Nana didn't know what to say. She knew she couldn't tell him that it was alright because it wasn't. She Nodded, and followed beside Keisuke Baji.

-

Baji had walked Nana to pick Chifuyu from his class and they both walked silently on either side of Nana until they reached some off street full of abandoned shops. An arcade is where they stopped, and in the midst of her confusion did not completely register where they were- nor the headless angel symbol on the side of the building.