𝖧𝖾𝗋 𝖣𝖾𝗌𝗂𝗋𝖾𝗌 •|KTH |• 21+

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚝𝚢 𝚜𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 🥀

5 months later....

"I thought things would get easier if I was occupied, but I was wrong. There hasn't been a day in which I haven't thought about him, or tried to remember what he smelt like against me. He lingered in my thoughts and now- in the pages of my dairy. His name must've been on every page of this diary. It is supposed to be therapeutic to write down your thoughts they say-"

"Today it's officially been five months since-"

"Rai." Xavier called making me drop my pen. I closed my diary and looked up at him. "You're always writing in that damn book thing. I'm surprised boss hasn't fired you yet." He scoffed, throwing the dishes in the sink.

"Do not hate on the book." I said, shoving it in my bag.

He shoved his one hand into the rubber glove and glanced at me. "Don't tell me you write about your little boyfriends in that." He teased. I rolled eyes and picked up my little notepad. "Is it my turn to take orders ?" I questioned.

He nodded. "You bet your small ass it is."

I gave him a look and walked out the kitchen.

Giselle helped me get this job because if it wasn't for her encouragement I'd still be in bed sulking over a man who never loved me. I started working at this restaurant a few weeks ago and it's been going well. I was being paid a decent amount and my dad was recovering slowly. 

I  did my runs around three tables and wrote down their orders before walking back into the kitchen only to see Xavier.

With my diary.

On an open page-

"Hey!" I exclaimed, reaching for it but he was too fast. His brows furrowed as he threw it on the table. "Are you in any kind danger?" He asked me. When I said Taehyung's name was written on almost all of the pages, I meant it. Xavier must've read something he wasn't supposed to. I shook my head. "No, I'm not- just don't touch my things!" I grabbed my diary and shoved it back into my bag. "I'm taking the rest of my shift off. Tell Mr Brian I'll make up for it tomorrow." I didn't wait for his reply, I just left. No one can read this. It had everything in it. Every detail-

I tightened the straps of my backpack around my shoulders and hugged myself. My dumbass forgot to bring a jacket and to check the weather. I was really pissed and missing my umbrella. My lips quivered and I shivered as my now wet hair stuck to the back of my neck. Yuck. I didn't have a car so I had to take the bus to Giselle's house.

Fortunately, the bus ride was short but everyone was wet and their shoulders kept rubbing against mine. I got off the bus and made a run for it. Her house wasn't too far from where the bus dropped me.

I dug out the spare keys from my pocket but just as I was about to open the door it was yanked open first by Giselle. I jumped in surprise. "Wow Gi-"

She reached forward and grabbed my elbow, tugging me inside. "What? What is it?" I asked, looking at the expression on her face. "Thank God!" She breathed out in -relief?

"If this is about me skipping my shifts-I know, I'm sorry-" I began but she cut me off.  "This- - isn't about your shifts, okay!" She said, running her hands through her hair.

Okay, now I was worried. Was she kicking me out-

"I saw him." She finally said, after a pause.

"Saw who?" I questioned, taking off my shoes and walking past her.

"Him, Rai! I saw him!" She said with a shaky voice.

My body stiffened. "You're talking about- him?" I asked, turning to her. I then let out a hysterical laugh. "I'm going to take a warm shower because if I don't my nipples will literally freeze off." Her forehead scrunched up in confusion. "Did you not hear what I just told you-"

"Yes, I did."  I replied, "It's been five months, Giselle, I've moved on with my life."

She shook her head. "I was at work when I saw him. He looked me straight in the eyes. Rai- I think he knows you're living with m-"

"Enough." I suddenly said. "P-please. I need to be alone." I ran upstairs into my room and closed the door before leaning against it. My hand rested on my heart before reaching for my face.

I remember his words: "Run. Run as far as you can because if I find you... this time, I won't let you go."

He doesn't know where you are, Rai. Relax. The voice inside my head chanted as I almost broke down once I was in the bathroom.

Of course he fucking knows where I am-

He's just waiting...

I stripped and ran the hot water. It burned when the water first touched my cold skin, but then I was relaxed. I could feel all the negativity leaving my body. My eyes flickered open and I stared at the wall in front of me. I blinked away the water droplets balancing on my eyes lashes. It's been five months since I was last touched. I stopped trying to touch myself because it only reminded me of him. I've also never felt the pure satisfaction of an orgasm from masturbation. I just couldn't finish.

I hated it. But I needed it.

I rinsed the soap off my body and then waited under the warm water for a while before drying myself.

__________

I got dressed and decided to talk with Giselle, but when I unlocked my door Giselle fell at my feet. "What are you doing on the floor?" I asked. She must've been leant against the door before I opened it.

"I'm okay, Giselle. It was just a shower..."

"Why is your face so red? Was the water that hot?" She questioned. I just nodded and stepped over her. "It's your birthday tomorrow-" she reminded me. I paused before glancing down at her. "So?"

"So... I want to do something! It doesn't have to be big. It can just be the two of us!"

I creased my brows and frowned as if I was considering her request. "No."

Her lips parted as she looked up at me with her big brown eyes. Mine were brown also, but not as big as hers. "What do you mean by no!?"

"If you were me, would you celebrate?" I asked her.

"Yes." She replied, "I don't see why not." I rolled my eyes. "Look, Rai." She sighed, standing up. "If this is about Taehyung-"

"Not everything is about him!" I exclaimed.

"Yes, it is!" She shot back. "You have a fucking diary full of him!" I flinched at her tone and stood there staring at her. I tried to gather my words but I couldn't because she was absolutely right.

Maybe I was obsessed with him.