Elsewhere: Aesir

Sleeping Beauty

"Berkano."

I jerk awake in the middle of the night. We fell asleep while planning our departure in the morning. Yesterday was frightening and amazing, and that kiss...it wasn't the first time, but it felt differently than before. It was deeper, more passionate, and had a sense of longing, or maybe...desire.

I feel heat and sparks dancing under my skin just remembering it. It's a moment I never want to let go of. She was my first kiss, and I want her to be my last one too. I don't think I could experience something like that with someone else. I don't care to search for it elsewhere either.

I smile, remembering our planning for this journey we are about to depart on. I don't even remember when we fell asleep or how we fell asleep at the table.

I gaze at her while directing my enhanced hearing to her chest to hear her heartbeat.

*Ba-dum* *Ba-dum*

It's my favorite sound. Right now, it's slow and gentle. I hear her soft, light breathing, and notice her shoulders rising and falling in a subtle rhythm.

When I think of the word "beautiful," my mind is flooded with memories and images of her. She's strong, powerful, passionate, peaceful, and lovely. I stand and move toward her, picking her up gently so as not to wake her, and carefully lower her onto my bed. I hesitate for a second as a tuck her in, but I decide to deliver a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"I love you." I whisper before I walk over to the window. The stars are beautiful tonight, I wonder if the stars in Alfhiem look the same.

Sometimes, I still feel like I see the world through the eyes of that kid that was dropped here. Tears threaten to fall from my eyes as I wonder if that's a bad thing.

"Rule the magic, rule the wolf." I won't pretend that I fully understand what that means, though I am starting to see it.

"You still doubt yourself, my lord?" I hear Caine's voice in my head.

"It's not so much that. I'm just...honestly? I don't even know." I turn to look at Jess's sleeping form, committing it to memory.

"All I know is that I'll do anything for her. I want to be strong enough to stand by her side and watch her back." I finish definitively. I am always certain when I'm with Jess.

"Ah, you seek power for love. You are noble indeed. Mmmm. My lord, what will you do for yourself?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm sure you understand. You crave power to protect your love. Which is noble, but that can lead to a dark path. The bottom line is that you crave power.

Before any reasoning, that is the fact. Be careful that you do not destroy yourself in the process of seeking that power. Power for love is the motivation behind angels AND demons."

"Does that have anything to do with Berkano?"

I can hear the smile in his voice as he responds, "How you come to understand and use that power is completely up to you. Power is neither good nor evil. It is the utilization of power that makes it so."

I sigh, "So you aren't going to tell me about it?"

"That is not my lesson to teach, but you will learn on your journey."

"More riddles and mystery." I groan dejectedly.

"Riddles and mystery are how wisdom is gained, my lord." Caine responds as I feel his presence fade.

I walk away from the window back to my bed. Jess and I have never slept in a bed together. Sure, we've slept next to each other outside after training, but this is different. With everything that we've been through, she's become even more precious and dignified in my sight.

I understand on some level that I am too, but I respect her too much to sleep in bed with her before we've discussed that. I'm sure she wouldn't mind, and I definitely WANT to cuddle her. But we have plenty of time ahead of us to talk about it and what our future concretely looks like together.

For now, I sit on the floor, my back leaning on the bed. I lightly grasp her hand closest to me and place our hands on my right shoulder. I smile widely. I don't want to live doubting myself or being afraid anymore. I want to always show Jess what's in my heart, what's in my soul, and who I am.

I position our hands so hers is on top and lay my cheek against it, slowly drifting off again into a peaceful sleep.