The Crash

Chapter 37

"You'll never believe the conversation I just had with Sam." I tell Cici.

She looks at me, trying to figure out what I'm about to say. She stares blankly, waiting for me to continue.

"She told me everything, Cici. Everything. And I was right. She's still my Sam. I don't want to betray her trust and her privacy, but it really was just a sad situation. She didn't mean for anyone to die at her hands. She just wanted to feel safe."

Cici listens, processing what I'm telling her.

"That doesn't change the fact that she strangled her ex-girlfriend."

"That's the thing." I tell her. "She didn't do it. It was a rumor made up by other inmates who didn't like her charge. She lost her temper one time, and everyone blew it up into something it wasn't."

"Well that's good." Cici says. "I'm glad she isn't a psycho. I'm sorry for thinking about her like that and treating her the way that I did. I'm just very protective of you. You know that."

I give her a hug. "I understand. I appreciate it, really. I'm glad Sam isn't a psycho too. I couldn't imagine having to walk away from her. She means everything to me."

Cici smiles warmly. "I'm happy you two have each other. I didn't want to admit it, but you guys are really cute together. It gives me hope that one day I might be able to find the same. Just not with a woman." She laughs.

We walk over to the chow hall for dinner, meeting Sam there.

"Hey Sam!" Cici calls from our table.

She has really turned around with Sam.

Sam waves from the dinner line.

"Make sure you come sit with us!" I say. "We were trying to wait for you. We knew your unit was being called next."

When Sam gets to the end of the line, she picks up her tray and heads over towards us. Tonight it's chicken patty night again, so Sam decided not to cook and came here instead.

"Chicken patties!" Sam exclaims, licking her lips.

"Sam." Cici says. "I was wrong about you, and I'm sorry for being kind of a cunt towards you. Alex was right and I should have listened to her."

Ugh. Why did she have to say something?

Sam looks at me, then back at Cici. "You knew, too?"

Oops.

Cici gives her a sheepish grin. "Yeah. I'm sorry, Alex told me when she found the article. She was freaking out and needed someone to talk to other than you."

Sam shakes her head. "It's really okay. I guess I should have expected that. She talks to you about everything. I'm glad she had someone to confide in."

We finish eating, Cici wrapping up her bread in a napkin before leaving the chow hall.

"What?" She asks, sensing us judging her. "I might want to make a peanut butter sandwich later."

Sam and I both laugh, walking out of the building and almost leaving her behind.

*    *    *

I'm working in the library again today. I've picked up a lot more hours lately just to pass the time and have something to do other than see Sam.

It's half past noon and it's pretty slow, which is usual at this time. Most everyone is at the chow hall eating lunch or taking their afternoon meds at the infirmary.

I go over to the return bin and pick up a handful, careful not to damage the spines. I'm shelving books when I see the girl from before walk in. Sam's ex.

Great. What does she want now?

She walks over to me, a guilty look on her face.

"Everything okay?" I ask. "Amelia, right?"

"Yes." She responds. "I've been meaning to talk to you. I heard the rumor about Sam choking me recently. I wanted to apologize if that's what you thought I meant when I said to be careful. I just wanted you to look out for her temper because sometimes she can be hard to handle. She's not a bad person, she just loses her cool sometimes."

"So are you ever going to tell me why you guys broke up?" I ask curiously.

"She left me. She left because she couldn't live with herself after what she had done, when she pinned me to the wall. She said she didn't deserve me and that I should find someone better. I tried to argue with her, but she wouldn't hear any of it."

I nod, understanding. "How come she never dated anyone after you? Is it because she thought so bad about herself?"

That's honestly really sad to think about.

"Yes." Amelia says. She couldn't forgive herself and was afraid it would happen again, with someone else. She vowed not to date for a long time after that, turning down everyone who came her way."

"So why did she want to be with me, then?"

Amelia smiles. "She saw you go through admissions and always talked about how you were the most gorgeous woman she had ever seen in her life. We still talked occasionally, so she told me all about you. She didn't want to get involved because of our past, but she said you were like a magnet pulling her to you. She couldn't stay away."

She had her sights on me the whole time? Wow, she was more into me than I thought.

"I guess that makes sense." I say.

Amelia continues. "She really loves you, Alex. I'm sorry I made you paranoid that you were dating an abuser. She was never that bad, but in her own eyes, she was. It really killed her self esteem for a long time. It took her a while to recover from it. Anyway, thank you for giving her a chance and accepting all of her. It's not easy for everyone to do here."

I've begun to understand that lately after what Sam told me.

Amelia looks at me one last time before turning around and walking out the door.

"You're a good person, Alex. I'm glad she has you. She's a lucky girl."

"Thank you." I say. "But I'm the lucky one."