The Crash

Chapter 16

I'm sitting on my bed studying when I see my bunkie walk through the dorm room doors, making a complete display of herself. Oh boy. She's quite the character.

"I have a note for you." She sings cheerfully.

It must be from Sam. I can't wait to see what she says. I'm really nervous about what she wrote back to me after what I said.

"Really?" I ask.

"Yep! It's right here!" She pulls the small, folded square of paper out of her shirt and hands it to me."

I look at, savoring the musky smell of Sam's cologne that she sprayed on the paper. I turn the note over to see a small heart.

"Well, I'll leave you to it. Don't spare me of any juicy details, though." She turns away and makes her way to the phones, leaving me no choice but to read the note.

Here we go. It's time to face the reality of Sam and I, whatever we have going on.

Alex,

I'm really happy to hear you feel the same way about me. We'll have to break you free from that stigma, though. I promise you won't regret being my girlfriend. So will you be my girlfriend? If the answer is yes, come out to the yard tonight to meet me when they open. If the answer is no, well, I guess we'll have an awkward next class. Ha! Later, gator.

-Sam

My mind races with so many different feelings. She's all I have been thinking about lately. I haven't been able to focus on schoolwork or anything because I'm always concentrated on her. Every time I think about her, I get butterflies, and every time I see her, a warmth spreads throughout my body, welcoming me home.

And I'm attracted to her. I'm definitely attracted to her. There's no doubt about that. She's become my safe place. Is it bad that I want to say yes.

Then, a thought occurs to me. What would Mom and Gran think? I guess I don't really have to tell them. I do feel kind of bad keeping a secret, though. If I did tell them, I would think they'd be open-minded. Neither of them have ever been the judgmental type.

*   *   *

"Chow Hall! Dining Room one!" The guard yells predictably.

Cici runs over from the phones and grabs me, linking her arm through mine until we leave the dorm. We follow the crowd out the door and towards the chow hall.

"So.." She prys. "What'd the note say?"

How honest should I be with her? I want to spill everything, but I also don't need her constantly talking about it and joking about it. I finally decide to go ahead and just tell her anyway.

"Sam wants me to be her girlfriend."

There, I said it. Wow, that makes it so much more real. I'm going to be her girlfriend. I'm literally dating a woman. Who would have thought?

"No way! What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to say yes." I admit. "She wants me to meet her in the yard tonight."

Oh god, we're going to become the stereotypical prison girlfriends hanging out in the yard. I'm not going to become one of those disgusting PDA-driven ones, though. I promise you that.

"Remember, no kissing on the first date." She jokes.

I don't even want to think about that right now. It makes me too nervous. I've never kissed a woman before. I'm not even sure I know how.

We come up on the dining room and snake down the familiar line to get our trays. Dinner tonight is turkey patties. The literal worst. The other inmates call them "stringers" because of the strings of tendons, or whatever they are, that you can feel yourself biting into. The thought makes my stomach turn. I'm sure my face is turning green with nausea.

I grab my tray and follow Cici to a table to sit down.

"I still can't believe she asked you out."

"Me either." I say. "I honestly wasn't sure if she liked me back."

I still can't believe that she does.

"Told you, you're a lucky girl."

Cici squirts her bottle of ketchup on her turkey patty, attempting to cover up the

awful taste and texture.

"Give me some of that." I say.

I can't stand the taste of these. I will try anything to try to make it even a little bit more edible.

Cici hands me the ketchup, laughing at my urgency and obvious disgust.

"What do you think she's going to say when you go to meet her?"

What is she going to say? What am I going to say?

"I have no idea. I'm feeling super awkward already just thinking about it."

She touches her fingertips to my arm gently. "I'm sure it will be fine. Just go with whatever you're feeling."

Please, God, not a sappy moment. This is so weird and not like Cici at all. She's always so sarcastic and full of jokes.

"Thanks." I say.

We throw our trays into the kitchen and exit the chow hall.

Cici and I are sitting on the ground, playing Spades on my lockbox, a causal competition. I'm about to lay a card down when I hear, "Yards open!"

"That's your cue." she says.

It's now or never.

I hurry to the entrance of the building and fly down the steps towards the yard. I spot her right away by her hair. Did she put gel in it? It looks good. She looks good.

"Sam!" I call out.

She waves at me from under a tree. I walk over to her hesitantly, pausing a moment before I sit next to her.

She smiles at me softly and says, "So I guess that's a yes."

"It's a yes." I say.

I still can't believe I said yes. Does that make me a lesbian? Bi, maybe?

"That makes me so happy. I could jump up and down like a little kid right now." She laughs.

"I'd rather you not." I say, chuckling.

Her eyes linger on mine for a moment before she reaches her hand to touch mine, just in the slightest. A quiver shoots down my spine. When she touches me, it feels like a gentle shock going throughout my body, though it doesn't hurt.

Sam is my girlfriend. Sam is my girlfriend. Sam is my girlfriend!

*   *   *

 We end up sitting there for about 10 minutes before joining a group of people playing hackey-sack. Sam is an absolute pro. She can keep that thing up all day. It's actually kind of hot. Maybe I'll get good like that by the end of my sentence. We could enter the hackey sack championships. Ha!

I pick up the hackey sack after a failed attempt to rebound it off my knee. I stare at it and notice it's handmade, probably by one of the inmates. Red, black, and green swirls cover the entirety of the ball. It's actually really pretty. Maybe I could get some yarn from arts and crafts and make her one from me. I think that would be really meaningful to her.

It gets dark. "Yards closed!" The C.O. yells, ushering everyone towards their housing units. Sam and I split at the fork, and she winks at me before walking away.