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Chapt. II: Detox

Indulgent
Copyright 2015 ©
Chapter II: Detox
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"Here's your schedule," says the black woman from this morning, her name is Dr. Green. "Class in the mornings, break and lunch, college in the evening, medical check ups, specialty classes, another break to clean your room, a small lunch again, shower time, and then a break for any religious purposes. Your curfew is at nine... You'll get the hang of it."

I blinked a few times looking down at the paper. I've been so frustrated, I've tried to stop shaking but I cannot, for any reason, stop shaking. I groan and with one of my shirts, try to swipe off the sweat from my forehead. "Firstly, no visits?"

Dr. Green purses her lips. "No, no one is allowed to visit you."

But- "what about my step mom? Can't I call her, check up on them? And what about my dad, you must realize he's dying of prostate cancer, I need to at least call them."

She looks at the floor, and then up again. "No calls, no visits, no nothing. You get to walk out to the backyard for a break twice a day, that's all connection you get with the outside, which is a privilege you can lose. If by any means you try anything, you won't ever see sunlight." I curse under my breath, leaning my sweaty forehead on my shaking hands. "Irina?"

I look up again.

"This is home now." She caresses my cheek, this is your family too.

I stand up to walk around the room, trying to get as much space as possible. I start biting my nails, gripping my hair, biting my nails, scratching my skin, pulling my hair, pacing around the room, I can't breathe. "There's a box full of water bottles under the bed, good luck."

I turn to look over my shoulder and see her about to leave. She's a nurse. I grab her arm and she turns with wide, fearful eyes. "What's happening to me?" I ask, the sweat just dripping and I smell like rotten flesh and burning car tires. A man in white steps up and I soften my hold on her wrist.

"Detox, that's what's happening," she says in a monotone. "Good luck." She yanks her arm away and the door slams on my face, a click followed up and I tried to turn the doorknob. It turned, but as I tried to push the door out, it didn't. It's an inside lock, the door is fully stuck to the doorframe, like a stretched piece of metal.

I stepped back and took my shoes off, taking the rest of my clothing off and looking at the soaking wet shirt, soaking like a mop. I drop it on the floor and remain in my underwear, I don't feel strong enough to change to my pajamas. I kneel to the floor and grab a bottle of water, drinking all of it instantly, laying down on my side.

It's normal, I'm fine. I'm okay. It's all bullshit. It's a nightmare. I'm good.

I stand up again, trying to find a way out. I need, what do I need? Home, I need to go home, I need to see my family and I need to see my friends, I need to- I need it, I need it so bad. I want it, I want a bit, just a bit, weed isn't bad. Fuck, where's the molly, weed won't do it. I'm good. "I'm fucking good!" I scream kicking the door and punching it, my knuckles throbbing at the contact with the steel disguised as wood. I fall again on my side, sobbing.

My body shook uncontrollably as I felt rushes of cold and hot, continuously, and I begun to spasm. I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. Just a bit, I need it. I want out. I am done. Please let out. "Please let me out!" I scream, sobbing. I scream in pain as my head pounds, I gasp and scream as I lay all on the floor, holding my head and trying to ease the migraine.

I turn to my other side, searching for water under the bed and pour it all over me, trying to ease the sweat, and the thirst, and the desire to just fucking end this the easiest way. I hiss and scream again, my back arching off the ground and I kick away, the headache and abdominal pain killing me.