You're The Reason My Heart Beats Faster

Entrance exam

After the first of the year, Rain became very busy between school and preparing for the general and architecture entrance exams.

It didn't help that during this time his panic attacks returned with a vengeance. Mostly the nocturnal variety leaving him feeling like he never really got enough sleep, but a few daytime ones as well. He tried to keep them to himself as much as possible. He didn't want anyone, especially P'Phayu to think he was in over his head.

He should have known it was inevitable that he would have one just as the senior was arriving to help him study.

Rain felt that familiar feeling of there not being enough air, his heart racing. He knew that this was going to be a bad one. He tried to use the 3-3-3 rule but it wouldn't come.

At first he couldn't hear the gentle voice murmuring to him for the blood rushing in his ears, but finally "it's okay, good boy," and the gentle hand rubbing his back started to register. As if P'Phayu realized this he said, "name three things you can see."

"Toy car," Rain gasped out, "calendar, table."

"Good boy, name three things you can hear."

"My music playlist, your voice, the machines from the garage."

"Very good. Name three things you can feel."

"The sofa I am sitting on, my hair in my face, your hand on my back."

"Excellent job, good boy," P'Phayu said giving him a kiss on the top of his head.

They sat there for another few minutes with P'Phayu rubbing his back until Rain felt a little calmer.

"I'm sorry," Rain said.

"For what, good boy?"

"For not finishing the study session," Rain said.

P'Phayu smiled at him, "I think having a panic attack is an acceptable excuse. Feel like you can go out?"

"What about studying?" Rain said wide eyed.

"It's Friday, let's take the afternoon off. In fact new rule, no studying on Friday afternoons at all."

"But...." Rain started to protest.

"Rain, remember our motorcycle engine? What do you think would happen to an engine if you ran it at full speed all the time?"

"It would break down?"

"Exactly,"

They took P'Phayu's motorcycle to the park where they just sat on a bench for a while enjoying the fresh air. Rain barely noticed when P'Phayu took his hand and started playing with his fingers because somehow it just felt natural.

After a while they decided to go to a little road side shop near the garage to get food. They had been a few times and the food was particularly good there. Occasionally P'Phayu would feed Rain a bite of his own food, which honestly made Rain melt a little.

After dinner P'Phayu dropped Rain by his house with a good night kiss and instructions to immediately start his wind down routine and go to bed. Rain didn't have a panic attack that night and woke up on Saturday feeling rested for the first time in weeks.

The day of his TPAT architecture exam, Rain actually felt confident and ready. He took P'Phayu's triangle ruler with him for good luck as the senior had suggested. He fingered the tornado drawing on one corner absentmindedly while answering questions. After the test was finished he texted P'Phayu "so easy" with a smiley face. He knew his score would be good.

He wasn't surprised when his score came back almost perfect, he had only missed a couple questions.

The end of the school year was a relief to Rain, he would be starting his freshman semester at the architectural facility after the break, but for now he was free of school for a bit. P'Phayu had also just finished and would be starting his new job in the company that had been his number one choice.