Bonded In Truth

Pure Intentions

Jade

A few weeks passed since that night at the club with Ra, and that shit still had me shook. Not to mention, the nigga had been dickin’ me down so good that I wasn’t the least bit interested in anyone else. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t have multiple niggas on my line or on standby. Ra and I weren’t even an official couple or anything. It just felt right to take a break from the other niggas that I had around. We decided to keep the sex between us exclusive to one another, but everything else still pretty casual since neither one of us wanted to jeopardize our friendship. Besides, good dick wasn’t going to change my work schedule automatically, and he understood that my business came before my pleasure. He also had a company to manage, so things just flowed perfectly. 
If anything, I’d been holding out on telling the news to my homegirls cause I knew I wouldn’t hear the end of that shit. They’d all felt like Zaiere and I had something going on for the longest, often telling me that he was the one I’d end up with. They knew I avoided commitment with other niggas like the plague, but Ra was someone I couldn’t live without.
Everything I was feeling in this situation with Ra was so new. Some days, I woke up with the notion that it had all been a dream, but it wasn’t. Sweat beaded slightly around my temples as my labored breathing came to a calming tempo. I rolled over and there he was.

Peaceful.

I admired his chiseled jawline, brown skin, and full lips. The roundness of his broad nose and coarseness of his beard complemented the features of his handsome face so well you’d think he was a model.

What did I do to deserve this? I thought as I attempted to gently slide out of bed and make a dash for my living room couch to put space between us. As if it had been second nature to him, he felt my weight shift and pulled me in close.

“You’re not going anywhere,” he said, still half asleep, and I sighed deeply.

One too many times over the past few weeks, we’d been at this place, but for some reason, the words seemed to resonate more this time than ever before. He’d been in my bed, but never in a sexual way. Zaiere was always there for me and my late night ramblings that never made any sense or to wipe my tears away. He knew just what to say, and I’d always felt comforted being in his arms.

Surely, this couldn’t be what love felt like. My heart began to race and anxiety bloomed in my chest like a rose opening up to the morning sun as it feels the warmth. Am I ready for this? Fuck!

My palms began to sweat, and a wave of nerves hit me like a ton of bricks. The only thing running through my mind was whether I could live up to Ra’s expectations. I learned many moons ago not to expect anything from anyone. It was best to take each moment for exactly what it was and cherish the memory later cause real love wasn’t a guarantee, and surely it couldn’t happen to a woman like me.

It was understood to be saved for the lovely girls who sat in the church pews every Sunday with a smile on their face and a prayer on their lips. I wasn’t the Proverbial 31 woman who lived by the good book. I was too much of an independent thinker. My love for God didn’t need to be shouted at the top of my lungs, surrounded by hypocrites who didn’t live by His holy word. My God made the universe and me alike. I was one with everything around me. I was my savior and the love I felt for myself didn’t need to be interrupted by the likes of another or so I thought.

Like clockwork, Ra told me to stop thinking so much because he knew me so well.

Before I could plan to sabotage the atmosphere that he’d so delicately created just hours before taking me to new heights of intimacy, he uttered ever so lightly, “I love you.”

My resolve faded, and I sunk deeper into his chest, too afraid to say the words back, but he understood. He kissed the back of my neck gently, and I could feel him smile against my skin as he reassured me it was okay to allow myself happiness.