Teach me how to love

CHAPTER 3

Lily's pov

The first two weeks of school went by pretty quickly. It is always like that. Then it starts to go uphill. Exams, projects, generally more and more learning and less and less time.

Another year and my habits haven't changed at all. Again, I can't bring myself to finish something as quickly as possible. I put everything off for later and tell myself that I have time and why should I hurry so much.

And then I complain. I'm blaming the amount of material, and that's entirely my fault. But I'm not alone. Every day I hear my friends complain about the same reason.

Often, even in the evenings before a test, I get messages from them saying that they have had enough, some of them even send me videos or photos with books while they have tears in their eyes and are about to cry.

I don't blame them at all. Everyone reacts differently to a given situation, and that's perfectly fine. I just learned not to care about school so much. Why should I cry over textbooks? What will it give me? Where will this stress lead me? I've realized that grades aren't that important, and I'm not just saying that because I have good grades and I don't have anything to worry about so much, I'm saying this because I want more people to realize that grades don't measure up to our knowledge and no one will remember them in the future.

We only unnecessarily destroy ourselves and self-esteem by wanting to get the best grade.

Besides, I have no right to complain that it's hard for me, it's only my fault that I'm not able to do something right away.

It's quite late, but I motivated myself to finish my geography presentation today, even the fact that today is friday. I wanted to finally have a rest this weekend.

-Finally!- I sighed loudly under my breath when I finally managed to finish

When I looked at the clock, it was already midnight. I was very tired and in that moment I was thanking myself for taking a shower earlier.

I love my bed...

This is my last thought before falling asleep.

I feel my breath accelerates. I'm running. But at the same time I stand still.

Nothing changes.

The time has stopped.

Here we go.

This day is repeated again.

And I can't do anything.

Only one has changed.

I don't scream, and my tears don't run down on my cheeks.

I am in the same place as this damn day, but everything seems so different, unreal.

In my thoughts, the same sentence is still sounding ...

"He did it last night"

Suddenly I wake up, my breath is fast, I feel something wet on my cheeks, I can't calm down.

It doesn't really happen, not again, not now

I repeat in my head that everything is good, that I have already done it, but it gives nothing

I can't calm down

I can't forget

I can't breathe

I get out of bed quickly

My head's spinning

Why can't I see anything

I reach the bathroom and sit on cold tiles