Recovery

Recovery - Ch 18

Recovery - Ch 18

As the start date of the trial loomed closer and closer, Lesley met with Joe as often as their schedules allowed. William, her bodyguard, was an ever-present shadow whenever Rick wasn't with her, and the two things combined were tugging on Lesley's nerves.

It wasn't that Lesley didn't understand the absolute importance of meeting with Joe, which was a given. But going over and over her testimony and over and over the details of the assault had Lesley withdrawing into herself a little. Not like it had been in the couple of weeks after the attack when she had withdrawn into herself completely, but Lesley could feel the cushioned bubble she'd created for herself then starting to come back. The nightmares.... they were starting to rematerialize as well and, again, not as bad as they were previously, but still.... they had her jumpy and agitated to the point that she was having trouble relaxing enough to even fall asleep because she was fearful that she'd dream.

Having William as her constant shadow and not ever being alone was also adding to her agitation. True to his word, Rick had made sure that William would be as unobtrusive as possible, and he was, but having him with her whenever Rick wasn't also rekindled the rumor mill at the hospital which made her the subject of the stares, the conversations that stopped when she entered a room, the comments said just loud enough to make sure she heard them. It all just increased her anxiety to the point that she had a constant headache and had stopped eating.

Lesley tried to put up a good front, to keep her inner demons and doubts to herself so that the people around her wouldn't be further affected by all the drama that had been her life for the last few months. Having her friends involved wasn't what she wanted, at all, but part of that was out of her control. Joe insisted that she needed character witnesses, so her friends had also been subjected to Joe's questioning. The fact that they were all happy to do it and, in some cases, had literally volunteered, even went as far as to contact Joe themselves when Lesley had tried to tell them that she didn't want them to be bothered by it all, warmed her heart but made her sad too.

The weekly calls from Agnes Whitaker made her smile and outright laugh when Agnes put Bessie on the phone to "say hi" and even Tildy chimed in once or twice. But nothing lifted the cloud of anxiety that was following Lesley around wherever she went. It was like watching a slow-moving thunderstorm -- you see the black clouds coming, but they're moving so slowly that it's hard to tell they're coming closer, you look one minute, and they seem to be miles away, but you look back a short time later and they're closer. It was a whole new version of 'waiting for the other shoe to drop.' This was waiting for the violent winds and the rains that not only soaked you to the skin in seconds but the lightning that would strike the ground and cause unimaginable damage. The kind of storm that the aftermath was worse than the actual storm itself. Lesley could almost sense the electricity in the air, to the point that it would raise the hair on her arms and give her goosebumps. This storm though took the shape of the impending trial and the fact that she was going to have to relate to a courtroom full of people, including colleagues ...people she saw every day, who knew her both professionally and personally, the minute details of what Travis had done to her that day in the clinic. The fact that every detail...whether it be true or a twisted version of the truth, would be printed in the newspaper for anyone to read...to judge...to think differently of her based on what version of the truth they had read or what the gossipers chose to repeat. Not to mention, the cross examination when the opposing attorney would pick apart her testimony, her life, and call into question the very essence of who Lesley was as a doctor, a person, a woman. It was an ever-looming presence and one that was so big that it was almost tangible, like Lesley could reach out to touch it at any time. The fear that even the lightest of touches would cause a rift and then a chain reaction that could result in a rending tear in all that she'd accomplished in regard to recovering from the assault and could actually have the end result of her never being able to get back the person that she had worked so hard to find again had Lesley shying away and deeper into herself.