A Taste of Darkness

Chapter 32: Hope, Newfound

Scarlett

It has been two weeks since I decided to succumb to my longing for Julio, to look past the looming cloud of darkness corrupting my vision and see the light, even in a man who should scream anything but. Upon climbing over the mountain of fear I previously never even dared to become proximate to, I have realised that maybe letting someone in, even if only a minuscule amount, merely allowing their toes to dip into your deep waters, is not so bad after all.

In fact, it can be great, maybe even the most relieving decision you have ever made in your life. It leads your heart to becoming full, to you becoming free from the burden of overwhelming apprehension and fear.

The fact that Julio has sparked this unfamiliar sensation in me remains a slightly daunting rumination, however he has also managed to construct a few building blocks to the tower of my trust, which is incredibly rare and therefore a substantial attainment. We have not argued even once- which even I am surprised about- just simply talking to each other about whatever comes to mind, revelling in the feel of each other's skin. It is a state of rapture, tranquillity and peace- and dare I say, I've been happy.

Happy. . . I almost forgot that word existed.

It frightened me that he was capable of bringing out that emotion in me, it was dangerous, but I was tired of letting my irrational fears force me to ignore what I truly wanted. And even if it was wrong, what I really wanted was him- he has been my most salient desire for a while, even if admitting it crumbled my pride.

I just hoped that I wasn't wrong about him, that he wouldn't end up carelessly burning me like my previous relationship did.

However, although superficially Julio seemed like the worst kind of human being: unfeeling, amoral, I knew in my heart that deep down he was kind, good, that he was nothing like Adrian.

"So, what is it that you want to tell me?" Elena asks, her head tilting to the side in curiosity and intrigue. I've kept whatever it is that Julio and I have from her for the past two weeks, but now I finally feel ready to tell her. Besides, keeping secrets is exhausting, especially from your best friend.

"You know the way I told you that there was nothing going on between Julio and I?" I prompt, treading with caution. Even after all this time, a sense of awkwardness and trepidation surrounds me when speaking about my relationship with Julio aloud for fear of being judged. But I couldn't live a lie for any longer than I already have. I had to get this over with, rip off the band aid.

Elena's brows furrow as if analysing me. "Yes?"

"I lied."

Deafening silence fills the room. We merely stare at each other, studying one another's facial expression until I cannot take it anymore. I look away in shame, gazing at the wall in front of me, waiting for her to say something, anything- but she doesn't.

I suddenly feel an overpowering need to explain myself. "I know it's wrong, I know I sound so fucked up right now for even considering getting involved with a man who leads the mafia, but it seems to be impossible for me to stop myself. It feels as if he and I is inevitable, so I can't fight it. And I tried, trust me I did, but I couldn't help but give in anyway. But after actually allowing myself to get to know him deeper than surface level, even if only a little bit, I've realised that maybe he isn't as bad as he seems- he may even be good."

A single word sustains to fail to fall out of her mouth. She appears speechless as she stares at me, dumbfounded, as if she is amazing by the words spilling out of my mouth like a waterfall.

"I know you must think I'm terrible right now, that this whole thing between he and I is terrible, but I hope you'll understand th-"

"Scarlett, I know," she states, interrupting my sentence before I can finish.