one shots - thai BL/GL

1 ; soundwin (msp)

wins pov

was i too stupid and way too cruel for saying all that shit to my boyfriend and all my friends? i didn't mean one single word. i love gun, i love sound, i love my friends.

i shouldn't blame anyone but myself. why did i say that? why am i so angry all the time? i wish i could stop myself from talking ever again. i shouldn't speak again.

i might start therapy. that's the least i can do for my love and my friends. so they won't get to deal with my shitty behavior. all i do is for them.

"you should start loving yourself more, win." my boyfriend said to me while i explained him why i want to start therapy. i just told him i do this for them, why is he angry at me?

"you should start caring about yourself, take care of yourself, go to therapy for your own sake. not because of us, my angel." i love when he calls me angel. but something about what he said triggered me and i started getting angry. why is he not appreciating me?

"i don't care about myself, i care about you" i yelled at sound. shit, i yelled again. why why why? "i'm s-sorry." sound smiled at me and hugged me. why is he so nice to me? why is his hug making me calm?

"i didn't mean to yell. look, that's why i want to start therapy because all i do is yell at you even though you mean well. i'm so sick of myself." i cried. he tried calming me down, saying that he's not angry with me. i feel like a crybaby.

"look, honey. i am not trying to trigger you. just listen to my words, ok? tell me when i should just stop talking but for now listen to me." i  nodded, waiting for him to speak.

"you are my best friend, my soulmate and my lover and it breaks me when you talk to yourself like that. you and your feelings matter. i don't want you to do anything for me or gun or por or anyone else. do it for yourself. you're a so valid and loved by everyone of us. especially by me. i love you so much and i don't like it when you care about everyone but yourself. i want you to take care of yourself, i want you to love yourself.  go to therapy, i will always support you. no matter what. but do it for you. do it because you want to be better. do it because you think you need it. do it because YOU want to, not me, not pat, not yo. we love you all so much and want the best for you. i love everything about you."

i noticed that i was crying. this man is my boyfriend. he is mine, i am his.

"i love you so much, sound." i smiled while more and more tears are falling down my cheeks.  "i love you too, win." he smiled.

when he's with me, everything is ok.