one shots - thai BL/GL

41 ; heartliming (mlc)

angst and posted on ao3
TW: depression, suicidal thoughts
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In Heart's world, it was silent. He felt sad and lonely. But when Heart met him, the world was loud, and he felt like living for the first time in three years.

For three whole years, Heart lived in a silent world. A world where music played, but he couldn't enjoy it. A world where Heart had to watch TV with subtitles because otherwise, he wouldn't understand anything. A world where people tried to talk to him, but instead of receiving an answer, they received a confused look. A world where people looked confused right back at him, thinking Heart was being rude for not answering them, but he just couldn't hear a word they were saying.

In a world where his heart felt heavy.

Maybe that's why his name was Heart. Maybe he was born to have a heavy heart. Maybe he was born to be hurt. Maybe he was born to suffer. And damn, did he suffer.

Until Heart met him.

He made Heart feel less lonely. He learned to communicate with Heart when nobody wanted to talk to him, not even his own parents. He was there, and he learned how to talk to Heart.

Never in a million years did he think someone would like to be friends with him. In his head, He was meant to be lonely. He made peace with the fact that he was meant to be alone for the rest of his life.

But Li Ming was there. He was always there. He learned sign language, and day by day, he got better. He was Heart's first and only friend.

That was until Li Ming kissed Heart.

He didn't seem to be ashamed of what he did or afraid that Heart might not feel the same way. He kissed him and left him there, trying to understand what just happened.

Well - it was Heart who left. It was Li Ming's house, and Heart was the one who had to go because his mom and dad were expecting him at home to wish him a "happy new year," in broken Thai sign language. And even though Heart could never forgive them for neglecting him for the past three years, he was happy that they tried. Because for now, that was enough for him.

from ming◡̈

u ok?

Heart looked at the text message he got from Li Ming. He had no idea what he felt. His head was a complete mess and his heart was beating still fast from the kiss.

"I think I'm in love with you, and when you kissed me today, I didn't know what to do,"

But he deleted the message again and instead he replied with, "I am okay."

The next day, Li Ming asked him to meet him. Heart didn't know why, but he felt sad. Something in him felt empty. Numb. Not right.

The last time he felt this bad was when he found out he was losing his hearing. He felt nothing and everything at the same time. He felt awful. He wasn't eating. The only thing he was doing back then was sleeping and staying in his bed for months. So why was this feeling coming back? He didn't want to feel this emptiness again.

"Hi Heart, do you want to watch a movie together? We could watch a Western movie, or if you want to watch a Thai movie, I'll happily be your subtitles," Li Ming signed, who was very good at TSL now. Heart shook his head sadly, not in the mood to watch a stupid romantic comedy movie that would ruin his day. (Although, it was already ruined.)

Li Ming's smile faded as he saw how sad his friend looked. He had dark circles under his eyes that were so purple it looked like he hadn't slept in years. But Heart slept a lot though. A little bit too much, actually. He hated staying awake because in his dreams, he could hear. He hated being deaf. He hated being alive. He wanted to be gone.

"Heart, what's wrong? You look sad." Heart felt tears coming up, and so did Li Ming because he said, "Come into my arms, let it out." Heart cried in his arms, not sure if Li Ming could hear his sobs. Heart told him how everything hurt. How everything feels out of place. How he felt ugly for being deaf. How he hated being alive.

"Believe me, I had those thoughts too, and I know how it feels to be hurt. I know that you must feel awful right now, but everything's going to be fine, Heart. You gotta believe me." Heart cried while he tried his best to watch Li Ming sign his love for him. The tears were too much; it felt like drowning. Yet, Heart saw what Li Ming tried to tell him.

He continued, "I love you, my Heart, with all your flaws. And you are not ugly. Every inch of your body is perfect. How can you not see how beautiful you are? There's nothing more beautiful than you. You are so perfect, my sunshine." Heart cried for a while and let out a quiet "sorry."

His voice was probably raspy and deep. He barely talks, so why should he speak clearly? "Why are you apologizing?" he asked confused, his eyes sparkly from hearing Heart's voice again. Heart shook his head and apologized again. Li Ming just let it go and let his friend hug him for a while.

After a few minutes, Heart looked into his eyes. "Boyfriends?" he asked, shyly. Li Ming smiled at him and nodded. Heart apologized for a third time while crying in his arms. He told his boyfriend that he didn't have to be so kind to him, "I'm sorry. I'm so embarrassing."

"Don't be sorry, my love. On days like these, I will always be your home."